No Nurture

All I really wanted was this home

A place to get away from all the cold

I think I'm okay now, much more aware

My body is failing, getting slowly there

And we choose to remember, always the same place

Can we move on past the outpost?

We thought that each other was all we would need

We thought that each other was all we'd need

Well, I had a technicolor father with mechanical parts and an on and off heart switch

And he snapped all our plugs, dragged them out through the doorway like electrical entrails

As they dangled behind him, intestinal, worm-like, I grabbed one and sank in my teeth

It showed no signs of life

As static as a starscape that pulses when the channel is missing and signal is lost

Only to be seen at night, in dreams and lucent skies

And yes, we have found out cause it's only fair

You've withheld the words of affection from when I cared

Now it's too late to mend us

We start to deteriorate but we can always remember; we would not have been the same

If you had stayed nearby, would I have grown up in your image?

If so, then it's good that you left

They say "like father, like son."

Is that the reason that I constantly feel like I don't exist?

I lost my fallen teeth to the bottom of the pillow

I lost all my sleep on Christmas Eve

And I'd do it all over for the little optimism that I harbored before you taught me to never believe

I just can't stand to see the same old walls

Try to leave me all alone

I don't want to see you at all

I can't help it. I'm bottling everything up

You promised you would deliver me

You promised you'd keep me safe and sound

Father, the day you die I hope you die in a living room

I hope the irony does not let you laugh

I hope the life that flashes before your eyes is mine and it doesn't flash fast

If you had stayed nearby, would you have taught me to vanish?

If so, then it's all for the best

They say "like father, like son."

Is that the reason that every time a person loves me I find it hard to love them back?