Ukulele Anthem

Sid vicious played a four-string fender bass guitar and couldn't sing

And everybody hated him except the ones who loved him

An ukulele has four strings, but Sid did not play ukulele

He did smack and probably killed his girlfriend Nancy Spungen

If only sid had had a ukulele, maybe he would have been happy

Maybe he would not have suffered such a sad end

He maybe would have not done all that heroin instead

He maybe would've sat around just singing nice songs to his girlfriend

So play your favorite cover song, especially if the words are wrong

'cos even if your grades are bad, it doesn't mean you're failing

Do your homework with a fork

And eat your fruit loops in the dark

And bring your etch-a-sketch to work

And play your ukulele

Ukulele small and forceful

Ukulele brave and peaceful

You can play the ukulele too it is painfully simple

Play your ukulele badly, play your ukulele loudly

Ukulele banish evil

Ukulele save the people

Ukulele gleaming golden from the top of every steeple

Lizzie Borden took an axe, and gave her mother forty whacks

Then gave her father forty-one, and left a tragic puzzle

If only they had given her an instrument, those puritans

Had lost the plot completely

See what happens when you muzzle

A person's creativity

And do not let them sing and scream

And nowadays it's worse 'cause kids have automatic handguns

It takes about an hour to teach someone to play the ukulele

About same to teach someone to build a standard pipe bomb

You do the math!

So play your favorite cover song, especially if the words are wrong

'cos even if your grades are bad, it doesn't mean you're failing

Do your homework with a fork

And eat your fruit loops in the dark

And bring your flask of jack to work

And play your ukulele

Ukulele, thing of wonder

Ukulele, wand of thunder

You can play the ukulele, too

In london and down under

Play joan jett, and play jacques brel

And eminem and neutral milk hotel

The children crush the hatred

Play your ukulele naked

And if anybody tries to steal your ukulele, let them take it!

Imagine there's no music, imagine there are no songs

Imagine that john lennon wasn't shot in front of his apartment

Now imagine if john lennon had composed "imagine" for the ukulele

Maybe people would have truly got the message

You may think my approach is simple-minded and naïve

Like if you want to change the world then why not quit and feed the hungry (people)

But people for millennia have needed music to survive

And that's why i've promised john that i will not feel guilty

So play your favorite beatles' song

And make the subway fall in love

They're only $19.95, that isn't lots of money

Play until the sun comes up

And play until your fingers suffer

Play LCD sound systems songs on your ukulele

Quit the bitching on your blog

And stop pretending art is hard

Just limit yourself to three chords

And do not practice daily

You'll minimize some stranger's sadness

With a piece of wood and plastic

Holy fuck, it's so fantastic, playing ukulele

Eat your homework with a fork

And do your fruit loops in the dark

And bring your etch-a-sketch to work

Your flask of jack, your vibrator

Your fear of heights, your Nikon lens

Your mom and dad, your disco stick

Your soundtrack from Karate Kid

Your ginsu knives, your rosary

Your new Rebecca Black CD

Your favorite room, your Bowie knife

Your stuffed giraffe, your new glass eye

Your sousaphone, your breakfast tea

Your Nick Drake tapes, your giving tree

Your ice cream truck, your missing wife

Your will to live, your urge to cry

Remember we're all going to die

So play your ukulele!