Rusted Bell

We hugged and said good-bye

I said, I'm sure we'll write and call a lot, or at least we'll try

And you said, yeah, but it'll never be the same

And I said I know, but I didn't know, I didn't know what that meant

And here it is, three years later

And you were right, it's not the same at all, everything's changed

I don't know your number by heart anymore

I haven't seen you new house, I don't know your husband

And it started out feeling like a long summer vacation

But then we never came back to school

I didn't feel like you made that much of an effort

You didn't really try

Or maybe I just fooled myself into thinking we didn't have to say goodbye

And I walk around my house now

Snapping pictures of the rooms, trying to remember how it smells

That's where we always put up the Christmas tree

That's where we pulled on overalls, where I screamed when she told me

And we saved baby lambs on freezing nights

We sat upstairs listening to fights, we brought in wood and cut the lawn

We rang a rusted bell and kittens came running

And I sang at the piano, and now I have to say goodbye

And just like you this place can live without me

It already belongs to someone else

And maybe I'll come visit, but not too often, and not for a long time

'Cause I'm going to try to say it, and try to feel it, and try to mean it this time

When I say goodbye

And I cried when I showed up at your house that day

You were lying there immobile, there were strangers on the porch

And I grabbed your hand and told you who I was

And I touched your sunken cheek and I asked you if you could blink

And you moaned and tried to tell me that you loved me

You wanted to help, you wanted to hold me and I wanted to be held

But I said you don't have to say a word

I already know, I've already heard and I sobbed on your thin shoulder

So despite your intentions it's really come down to this

There's nowhere left for either of us to hide

I mean it when I say that you're with me, you'll always be

But still I wish you'd say it, I wish you'd look me in the eye and just tell me

That this is goodbye