This Cursed Blood

All my failures begging for an end.

These false promises becoming anchors

Drowning with the hopes of something real.

Estranged to this person I've become

I feel contempt and diseased.

Solidifying my hatred of forced existence.

Pestilence pulses through my veins

Paralyzing me.

It keeps me from draining it all.

This place I dwell is a hollowed man.

Boarded up and black with rot.

I dream in better lights with less reflection.

Shadows upon shadows cast inside

Like death masks piled on until there’s no identity.

I know there must be more to me.

I raise my eyes upward, into the night.

Into the darkness that existed before the light.

Downward to death, the foundation of all life.

Sigil marked for non-existence.

This cursed blood can't kill what's already dead inside.

It becomes misplaced to those I call friends.

As I attempt to terraform this misery.

Caustic is my nature.

Eroding life around me

Self-hatred binds my will to change.

As a lion let me drink from blood of your Christ

Awaiting salvation with open jaws

Shepherding hope into the belly of the beast.

Digesting tired faith and shitting out lies

I don't deserve happiness.

I haven't earned the right to self-peace.

Preservation through malice is the irony

As I'm consumed with thoughts of death.

When time comes

I'll enter my forest with no ribbon, just rope.