Wide Eyed

Guiding her into dream time

Following lights in her eyes

This living behind's got her frightened

So I'm here and I'm working all night

How is she not breaking down?

Oh God I feel her shaking

Try as I might to provide her light

In the end it's she who's breaking

I'm holding the choice as she grows life from it's stem

Is it better to say not now when I'm trying learn: yes?

I'm dreaming of bouncing feet and your motherly smile

But when you're sleeping so far away I can't feel what's inside

How am I still holding on?

Oh God I hope I am holding

She'll try and describe what my strength provides but I fear my strength is failing

If I could change my mind

I would change

What's the change for the better

For a child who learns not to cry?

And to the boy who relies on his anger:

You'll survive but you won't feel exchange

And why all these doubts?

And what are all these doubts?

I see in her eyes that I'm holding her fine but all I'm hearing is doubts

Even as water's crushing over my head

And the rhythm that I would slow is picking up it's pace

I'm learning from older shames as I'm watching them die

And I'm still hoping to see her smile in the morning when we wake

Now that I am waking up

Oh God I hope I am waking

Though I'm overwhelmed at times I find that I'm less afraid of change

Change all the time

I'm still finding what's sure

and not getting lost in my mind

I know I can try

Needing my own

But still

getting lost in her eyes

And hoping it's time

Wide eyed

I get wide eyed