If I Was Santa Claus

[Slug]

If I was a rich man, I'd buy you some shoes

Tall boots for all the dirt you walk through

What would that do? Enable you to deal

Without schooling you on how to touch what's real

And if I was a smart man, I'd tell you everything that I knew

And give it to you every time you need a talking to

But what would that do? Teach you my guidelines

So you can be a cheerleader at your game on the sidelines

And if I was a driver, I'd keep my headlights on

To see the difference between right and wrong

I'd wear my seatbelt even when I'm in park

Cause I don't trust the other fools that cruise through these parts

And if I was a better cook, I'd hook up a feast

Set a table full of food for the children to eat

I encourage the nourishment so we can breathe

With the knowledge that we got something accomplished

[Chorus]

And if I was Santa Claus, I'd fight for the cause

Wouldn't expect nothing in return

I'd give you everything you want, I'd be everything you need

So you can take my hand and I can take the lead

And if I was an honest man

I would stop writing songs

I'd break for a nervous breakdown for breakfast

Tell everyone I knew to stay away from making music

It ain't nothing but a confusing mess (confusing mess)

And if I was you, I wouldn't hear a word I said

Wouldn't trust nothing to start it up inside my head

I'd make a conscious effort to live instead

Of trying to kill the monsters that reside underneath the bed

And if I was a hurt man

I'd find a way to put my faith

Into a woman that could take me from today, maybe

I need somebody that could save me

From the parts of myself that keep making me crazy

And if I was a wise man

I'd climb to the top of the mountain peak

To think about strength versus weakness

I'd find a point that rests a couple of feet above your head

And figure out how I could try to help you reach it

(Ho ho ho)

And if I did have a choice

I'd never want to live forever

Just let me have a voice so I can make my points

I can't imagine running a race with no finish line

Just let me keep my pace and make to most of my time

I love giving but I'm bad at receiving

The truth is, I'd prefer to be the one bleeding

But I'm a paranoid that stays between play and work

Cautious and aware, 'cause I'm afraid of being hurt

Which brings me to the issue

And that would be this:

How often must I ask myself why I exist?

I feel like a freak, this world is a circus

Just trying to find myself as well as my purpose

[Chorus: repeat 2X]

And if I was Santa Claus, I'd fight for the cause

Wouldn't expect nothing in return

I'd give you everything you want, I'd be everything you need

And you can take my hand and I can take the lead

I got nothing but gifts

Keep it up in my wits

Got me drunk on the fifth

And now we're stuck in a ditch

And as dumb as it gets

I'mma run you some fibs

I wanna touch your lips

I wanna rub your hips

Put a glove on the fist

For the love that exists

We'll keep bumping the hits

To get my bucket of chips

From the Bloods and the Crips

To the skateboarding chicks

Put the Atmosphere on your Christmas wishlist

Put the Atmosphere on your Christmas wishlist

(Ho ho ho ho)