I'm an Ordinary Man

Well after all, Pickering

I'm an ordinary man

Who desires nothing more than an ordinary chance

To live exactly as he likes

And do precisely what he wants...

An average man am I, of no eccentric whim

Who likes to live his life, free of strife

Doing whatever he thinks is best, for him

Well... just an ordinary man...

But, let a woman in your life

And your serenity is through

She'll redecorate your home

From the cellar to the dome

And then go on to the enthralling fun of overhauling you

Let a woman in your life

And you're up against a wall

Make a plan and you will find

That she has something else in mind

And so rather than do either you do

Something else that neither likes at all

You want to talk of Keats and Milton

She only wants to talk of love

You go to see a play or ballet

And spend it searching for her glove

Let a woman in your life

And you invite eternal strife

Let them buy their wedding bands

For those anxious little hands...

I'd be equally as willing for

A dentist to be drilling than to ever let

a woman in my life

I'm a very gentle man, even tempered

And good natured who you never hear complain

Who has the milk of human kindness

By the quart in every vein

A patient man am I, down to my fingertips

The sort who never could, ever would

Let an insulting remark escape his lips

Very gentle man...

But, Let a woman in your life

And patience hasn't got a chance

She will beg you for advice

Your reply will be concise

And she will listen very nicely

and then go out and do exactly what she wants

You are a man of grace and polish

Who never spoke above a hush

All at once you're using language

That would make a sailor blush

Let a woman in your life

And you're plunging in a knife

Let the others of my sex

Tie the knot around their necks

I prefer a new edition of the Spanish Inquisition

Than to ever let a woman in my life

I'm a quiet living man

Who prefers to spend the evening in the silence of his room

Who likes an atmosphere as restful as an undiscovered tomb

A pensive man am I, of philosophical joys

Who likes to meditate, contemplate

Far for humanities mad inhuman noise

Quiet living man

But, let a woman in your life

And your sabbatical is through

In a line that never ends comes an army of her friends

Come to jabber and to chatter

And to tell her what the matter is with you

She'll have a booming boisterous family

Who will descend on you en mass

She'll have a large wagnarian mother

With a voice that shatters glass

Let a woman in your life

Let a woman in your life

Let a woman in your life

I shall never let a woman in my life