Everyone's A Little Bit Racist

Princeton:

Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?

Kate Monster:

Sure!

Princeton:

Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?

Kate Monster:

Uh huh.

Princeton:

Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster.

Kate Monster:

Right.

Princeton:

You're both Monsters.

Kate Monster:

Yeah.

Princeton:

Are you two related?

Kate Monster:

What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!

Princeton:

Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!

Kate Monster:

Well, it's a touchy subject.

No, not all Monsters are related.

What are you trying say, huh?

That we all look the same to you?

Huh, huh, huh?

Princeton:

No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry,

I guess that was a little racist.

Kate Monster:

I should say so. You should be much more

careful when you're talking about the

sensitive subject of race.

Princeton:

Well, look who's talking!

Kate Monster:

What do you mean?

Princeton:

What about that special Monster School you told me about?

Kate Monster:

What about it?

Princeton:

Could someone like me go there?

Kate Monster:

No, we don't want people like you-

Princeton:

Hahaha!You see?!

You're a little bit racist.

Kate Monster:

Well, you're a little bit too.

Princeton:

I guess we're both a little bit racist.

Kate Monster:

Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...

Princeton:

But I guess it's true.

Kate Monster:

Between me and you,

I think

Both:

Everyone's a little bit racist

Sometimes.

Doesn't mean we go

Around committing hate crimes.

Look around and you will find

No one's really color blind.

Maybe it's a fact

We all should face

Everyone makes judgments

Based on race.

Princeton:

Now not big judgments, like who to hire

or who to buy a newspaper from -

Kate Monster:

No!

Princeton:

No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican

busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!

Kate Monster:

Right!

Both:

Everyone's a little bit racist

Today.

So, everyone's a little bit racist

Okay!

Ethinic jokes might be uncouth,

But you laugh because

They're based on truth.

Don't take them as

Personal attacks.

Everyone enjoys them -

So relax!

Princeton:

All right, stop me if you've heard this one.

Kate Monster:

Okay!

Princeton:

There's a plan going down and there's only

one paracute. And there's a rabbi, a priest...

Kate Monster:

And a black guy!

Gary Coleman:

Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?

Kate Monster:

Uh...

Gary Coleman:

You were telling a black joke!

Princeton:

Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes.

Gary Coleman:

I don't.

Princeton:

Well, of course you don't - you're black!

But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?

Gary Coleman:

Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks!

Princeton:

Now, don't you think that's a little racist?

Gary Coleman:

Well, damn, I guess you're right.

Kate Monster:

You're a little bit racist.

Gary Coleman:

Well, you're a little bit too.

Princeton:

We're all a little bit racist.

Gary Coleman:

I think that I would

Have to agree with you.

Princeton/Kate Monster:

We're glad you do.

Gary Coleman:

It's sad but true!

Everyone's a little bit racist -

All right!

Kate Monster:

All right!

Princeton:

All right!

Gary Coleman:

All right!

Bigotry has never been

Exclusively white

All:

If we all could just admit

That we are racist a little bit,

Even though we all know

That it's wrong,

Maybe it would help us

Get along.

Princeton:

Oh, Christ do I feel good.

Gary Coleman:

Now there was a fine upstanding black man!

Princeton:

Who?

Gary Coleman:

Jesus Christ.

Kate Monster:

But, Gary, Jesus was white.

Gary Coleman:

No, Jesus was black.

Kate Monster:

No, Jesus was white.

Gary Coleman:

No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-

Princeton:

Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish!

Brian:

Hey guys, what are you laughing about?

Gary Coleman:

Racism!

Brian:

Cool.

Christmas Eve:

BRIAN! Come back here!

You take out lecycuraburs!

Princeton:

What's that mean?

Brian:

Um, recyclables.

Hey, don't laugh at her!

How many languages do you speak?

Kate Monster:

Oh, come off it, Brian!

Everyone's a little bit racist.

Brian:

I'm not!

Princeton:

Oh no?

Brian:

Nope!

How many Oriental wives

Have you got?

Christmas Eve:

What? Brian!

Princeton:

Brian, buddy, where you been?

The term is Asian-American!

Christmas Eve:

I know you are no

Intending to be

But calling me Oriental -

Offensive to me!

Brian:

I'm sorry, honey, I love you.

Christmas Eve:

And I love you.

Brian:

But you're racist, too.

Christmas Eve:

Yes, I know.

The Jews have all

The money

And the whites have all

The power.

And I'm always in taxi-cab

With driver who no shower!

Princeton:

Me too!

Kate Monster:

Me too!

Gary Coleman:

I can't even get a taxi!

All:

Everyone's a little bit racist

It's true.

But everyone is just about

As racist as you!

If we all could just admit

That we are racist a little bit,

And everyone stopped being

So PC

Maybe we could live in -

Harmony!

Christmas Eve:

Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!