Once

The lights out on the city they always seem to dull at night

'Cause your eyes are so damn bright

I'd stare them down 'til both of mine go blind

The flicker of a lighter

The smell of a cigarette

Your secondhand tastes sweet

We ventured into alleys

Singing all those songs

It was chorus after chorus

I didn't care if the words were wrong

Let go of your fears, get ready for this

You know I love you

As I'm sinking into the depths of your bed

I'm sensing silence slowly stuttered into heavy heaving

Breaths

I woke up smiling by a window in a highrise in the city you lived in

Felt a small breeze drift in

It flew through my shirt when the chill hit my bones

I kissed you nose to nose

I found love in your eyes and the words that you spoke

Rid every ounce of doubt

I found purpose in your laugh and the roof of your mouth

There are delicate truths hidden deep in the corners of your lips

I would kiss them every night just to get a taste of some of it

As I'm sinking into the depths of your bed

I'm sensing silence slowly stuttered into heavy heaving

Spent the day in the car driving through state lines back from your parents house

Coldest December, the ice keeps you afraid

Gas pedal pressed too hard, no stop to my body's tremble

Nothing you say will convince me that it happened any different

Why was it him?

Was I ever enough?

Were you always with him on the nights I was gone?

Do you see his face when you stare into mine?

If it's nothing at all, why won't you say goodbye?

Don't blame me for the things in your head

I'm not your past

I'm not the things that she did

There is a part of you that never let's go

This blame is on you

I'll hold it, 'til I'm gone

I was a man once, now I can't breathe

Glass scalp, heart beat, there's blood on her cheeks

Under the hood, I hear her scream

Somebody, somebody please

Tell me, father, is it okay to cry when I am a murderer?

May not find forgiveness in life, but I found a bottle

Bathe me in blood

Soak my guilty hands

I lost faith when I lost her