Time Rag

Ripping along towards middle age

And my music career kind

of missed a page

Record sales began to drop

The management all began to hop

Not worry, they said, you'll see

What you need is some fresh publicity

Just give us a nod and we'll all leap

Towards putting you

back at the top of the heap

I said, Fine, I'll give it a whack

I hung up the phone and I turned my back

Began daydreaming I was somebody else

When the phone jumped over

from the wall to the shelf

We just had a break, this is really fine

We can make the January issue of TIME

If you'll give us Monday, a week from today

From two to four, now what do you say?

I said, TIME, TIME mag, mag

You got me on the rag, rag

Take your insults about the queen

And shove them up your royal Timese machine

But I scribbled it down on the wall calendar

And wondered about my interviewer

Maybe he'd be just a real nice guy

Bright and sympathetic with a roving eye

We'd forget all about the assignment due

Formalities, photos, and the interview

We'd hop on into his big rent-a-car

Go for a lovely drive, not far....maybe France

As the big day approached it slipped my mind

Till my secretary showed up

at the house to remind

Me to switch into gear for the big coup de gras

The meeting with the man from the media

I swept the driveway and polished the phone

Put on a Kenzo knit in two-tone

Fluffed the pillows in the burgundy chair

Made up my eyes and brushed my hair...

all in that order

When he called to say he was three hours late

My cheerful facade began to disintegrate

The photographer'd be even later still

She was hopelessly lost in the nearby hills

He arrived not exactly the man of my dreams

Not bad for a rep from the Timese machine

Asked me a wandering question or three

And I thought he was actually listening to me

And I said, TIME, TIME mag, mag

You got me on the rag, rag

Take your insults about the queen

And shove them up your royal Timese machine

Curious about his interest

I babbled my way through the worldwide list

Ireland, Chile and the African states

Poetry, politics and how they relate

Motherhood, music and Moog synthesizers

Political prisoners and Commie sympathizers

Hetero, homo and bisexuality

Where they all stand in the nineteen-seventies

Then suddenly it stopped and he started to lobby

Said, Tell me some inside stuff about Bobby

Bobby who? I smiled and said

And the TIME man's face was laced with red

I know you guys used to know each other

I know you refer to him as being your brother

And I know that you know where he's coming from

I said, You know alot for being so Goddamned dumb

And I said, TIME, TIME mag, mag

You got me on the rag, rag

Take your insults about the queen

And shove them up your royal Timese machine

Well I never gave him quite what he came for

The inside story and it's really a shame

For I never made the January issue of TIME

And just before I run out of words that rhyme

I really should tell you that deep in my heart

I don't give a damn where I stand on the charts

Not as long as the sun sinks into the west

And that's going to be a pretty serious test

of time