High Plains Drifter

'Cause I'm the high plains drifter, and I'm the drifter

The high plains drifter, and I'm the drifter

They can’t catch me, they’re never going to find me

They're never gonna know that I'm the high plains drifter

Pulled over to the river, to take a rest

Pulled out a pair of pliers, pulled a bullet out of my chest

Fear and loathing 'cross the country, listenin' to my 8-track

I reached behind the seat and snatched a Kool from the pack

I'm long-distance from my girl, and I'm talking on the cellular

She said that she was sorry and I said, yeah, the hell you were

Check the rear view mirror, check the gold tooth display

Check the odometer, and I was on my way

'Cause I'm the high plains drifter, the best that you can get

A strapped shoplifter, a pirate on cassette

Bust a Travis Bickle when I feel that I'm getting pushed

Don't step to me 'cause you could be getting mushed

I'm doing 120 plowing over mailboxes

Radar detector to tell me where the cops is

Spend another night at the Motel 6

It's five dollars extra to get the porno flicks

And then I concoct a black and tan in my brandy snifter

I'm a kleptomaniac K-mart shoplifter

Cash flow getting low, so I had to pull a job

I found a nice place to visit but a better place to rob

I left my car outside and the engine still revving

Takin' care of business at 7-Eleven

And then I went inside to make my withdrawal

I saw what he had had, but I had to take it all

Knucklehead deli tried to gyp me off the price

So I clocked him on the turban with a bag of ice

Cause I'm mo-lello like yo-lello, cool like lemonade

I made my getaway, and then I thought that I had it made

I feel like Steve McQueen, a former movie star

Looked in the rear view mirror, seen the police car

Ballantine quarts with the puzzle on the cap

I couldn't help to notice I was caught in a speed trap

Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry, on the run from Dirty Harry

Stash the cash in the dash, but my gun I did carry

I'm seeing blue and red flashing deep in the night

I got my alibi straight, and I pulled over to the right

The cop knocked on my window and said, Boy, where's the fire?

You got a mailbox on your bumper and a bald front tire

"Outta the car, longhair! Your goose is cooked

Read me my rights, fingerprinted and booked

Making like a DT, driving a Gran Fury

Wherever I hang my hat's my home, and my past is kind of blurry

Every dog will have his day, mine will be in front of a jury

High plains drifter, you know that I'm never in a hurry

Read me my rights as if I didn't know this

Threw me in the tank with a drunk called Otis

With his 5 o'clock shadow he smelled of 3-day old beer

My man turned to me and said, Why are you here?

I said, I'm charming, I'm dashing, I'm rental-car bashing

I'm phony-paper passing at Nix Check Cashing

I went before the judge he sent me to the Brooklyn house of D

He said, You behave, or we'll throw away the key

Houdini'd out the cuffs, kicked the screw in the knee

I took the bailiff's wallet and went straight to OTB

I had a good feeling, easy come, easy go

I bet on one horse to win and your mother to show

And sure enough, that nag came in

Brought my ticket to the window and collected my win

And then I broke into my new car with a wire coat hanger

Hot-wired, hot wheeled and, Suzy is a headbanger