Creepy Old Guy

[Lydia]

Way back when

I was just ten

Simple and sweet

Everywhere

Fellas would stare

Out on the street

And I felt used

Kinda confused

I would refuse to look in their eyes

But now I really love creepy old guys!

[All]

We all do!

[Barbara]

Gum disease

[Delia]

Skin like grilled cheese

[Lydia]

Saggy old asses!

[Delia]

Saggy old asses!

[Lydia]

It's cute and vile-

[Delia and Barbara]

Hey baby, smile!

[Lydia]

To each girl that passes!

[Delia]

(Wolf-whistling)

[Lydia]

They make me blush!

[Barbara]

Can't get enough!

[Lydia]

Now one of 'em loves me, wants to be mine!

[Barbara and Delia]

That's right!

[Lydia]

Marrying my own creepy old guy!

[Betelgeuse]

I'm a creepy old guy!

[Lydia]

My creepy old guy, my creepy old guy

I'm so happy I could cry!

[Barbara and Delia]

Girls may seem disgusted, but we're actually just shy!

[Lydia]

My creepy old groom!

[Barbara]

Creepy old groom!

[Barbara and Lydia]

Play that wedding tune

[Lydia]

Hey folks, step aside!

[Betelgeuse]

I am older, but I'm glad I waited!

[Lydia]

'Cuz here comes the bride!

I am marrying my creepy old guy

[The others]

Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, creepy old guy

[Lydia]

My creepy old guy!

[The others]

Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, creepy old guy!

[Lydia]

Fix his hair

Get him prepared

For Armageddon

[Barbara]

Sure, the groom

Crawled out of a tomb-

[Delia]

But hey, hey, it's a wedding!

[Lydia]

So dim the lights

Pick up some rice

Say something nice!

It's my day to shine

I'm getting hitched to my creepy old guy!

[Betelgeuse]

It's showtime!

[Barbara and Delia]

Creepy old guy, creepy old guy

She's marrying a creepy old guy!

[Charles]

Have you guys seen Lolita?

This is just like that, but fine!

[The others]

Creepy old dude, creepy old dude

Our faith has been renewed

Now love is alive!

[Lydia]

Wave your baby girl goodbye

I am walking down the aisle

I wanna see a tear in every eye as I pass by

I know that on the outside he's disgusting

And even on the inside, he's disgusting

But I know that this time, I'm makin' it right

[The others]

Making it right, making it right!

[Lydia]

With my family by my side

[Betelgeuse]

O-M-G

Dressed to a T

Fancy and formal

I found me a wife

L'chaim! To life!

This is so normal!

I was ignored

But now, I'm adored!

'Cause I extorted, tortured, and lied

Give it up for my underage bride!

[The others]

Here comes the bride

Here comes the bride

God be glorified!

[All (including Betelgeuse and Lydia)]

I can't believe some cultures think this kind of thing's alright

[Lydia]

My creepy old guy

My creepy old guy

Doesn't he deserve a chance at life?

[Betelgeuse]

oh, yeah, that's right!

[The others]

Yeah, that's right!

[Lydia]

Let's make him alive!

I am marrying my creepy old guy!

[The others]

Guy, guy, guy, creepy old guy, guy, guy, creepy old guy!

Guy, guy!

[Betelgeuse]

I have chills!

[All]

Yeeeeeeeeah!