Not Turgenjev, But Close

I dress in the skin of

What is already dead

I take on the part

Which the surroundings expect

Though there unaware

Of the anti-life inside

My thoughts circle around

The opposite of asphyxia,

Because that's what I am

(I haven't been anything else

For a very long time)

It has been written alot about

The overwhelming darkness

But it didn't Clearly state

The amount of insight it contains

It knows more than the light

It wreathes me and observes me from all angles

Maybe I am to be born now?

I look upon that day with fear and horror

I have reconciled myself

With my thoughts and vision

It took ages, but now its over

I can accept the obvious

Because its what you see

I can live with the hatred and self contempt,

But I cannot survive the disgust and nausea of others

If they were to experience me from the inside

Beneath the unasphyxiated exterior

I have reconciled myself

with my thoughts and visions

it took ages, but now it's over

I can accept the obvious,

because it's what you see

I can live with the hatred and self-contempt,

but I cannot survive the disgust and nausea of others

I look upon that day with fear and horror

The day when suicide becomes inevitable

Because it will arrive, That, I know.