Talking Bear Mountain Picnic Massacre Blues

Well, I saw it advertised one day

That the Bear Mountain picnic was coming my way

Come along and take a trip

We'll bring you up there on a ship

Bring the wife and family

Bring the whole kids

Yippe!

Well, I run right down and bought a ticket

To this thing called the Bear Mountain picnic

Little did I realize

I was in for a pleasant, funny surprise

Had nothing to do with picnic

Didn't come close to a mountain

And I hate bears

Took the wife and kids down to the pier

There was six thousand people there

Everybody had a ticket for the trip

Oh well, I said, it's a pretty big ship

Besides, anyhow, the more the merrier

Well, we all got on, and what do you think?

That big old boat started to sink

More people kept a-piling on

That old ship was a-going down

Funny way to start a picnic

Well, I soon lost track of my kids and wife

So many people, I never saw in my life

That old ship was sinking down in the water

There was six thousand people trying to kill each other

Dogs a-barking, cats a-screaming

Women a-yelling, men a-flying, fists a-flying

Paper flying, cops a-coming, me a-running

Maybe we just better call off the picnic

I got shoved down, got pushed around

All I remember was a moanin' sound

Don't remember one thing more

All I remember is waking up on the shore

My arms and legs were broken

My feet were splintered

My head was cracked

I couldn't walk

I couldn't talk, smell, feel

Couldn't see

Didn't know where I was

I was bald

Quite lucky to be alive though

Well, feeling like I just climbed out of my casket

I grabbed back hold of my picnic basket

Took the wife and kids and started home

Wishing I'd never got up that mornin'

Now, I don't care just what you do

If you want a have a picnic, that's up to you

But don't tell me about it, I don't want to hear it

You see, I just lost all my picnic spirit

Stay in my kitchen, have my own picnic

Have a picnic in the bathroom

Well, it don't seem to me quite so funny

What some people are going to do for money

There's a brand new gimmick every day

Just to take somebody's money away

I think we ought to take some of these people

And put them on a boat, send them up to Bear Mountain

For a picnic