NUMBERS

I was settin' in Friday's suckin' on a glass of wine

When in walked this chick who almost struck me blind

Had wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fine

On a scale of one to ten I'd give her a nine

Now on my scale there ain't no tens you know

Nine is bout as far as any chick can go

So I flashed her a smile but she didn't even look at me

So for brains and good judgement I'd give her a three

I said hey sweet thing you look like a possible eight

You and me could make eighteen if your head's on straight

She looked up and down my perfect frame

Then said these word that burned into my perfect brain

She said well another one of those macho-matician men

Who grade all women on scales of one to ten

And you give me an eight well that's a generous thing to do

Now let's just see just how much I give you

She said you comin' on to me with that corny numbers jive

Your style makes me smile I give it a five

When you walked up I noticed that suit of yours

It's a last-year's double-knit frayed-cuff I give it a four

That must be your car parked out on the curb

That's '69 homemade convertible a three and a third

Now as for that build I guess you're less than a five

Cept for your potbelly I give that a ten for size

That wine you're pourin' might be fine to you

But I'm used to fine champagne I give it a two

It's hard to tell what your flashin' smile is worth

I give it a six you could use some dental work

But it's your struttin' rooster act that really makes me laugh

It may be a ten to these country hens but to me a three and a half

And there really ain't too much to add once the subtractin's done

But since there ain't no zeroes I give you a one

Then she walked out while up and down the line

The whole bar was laughin' said Bare what happened to your nine

Nine says I hell soon as she started to talk I knew

This bitch didn't have no class I barely give her a two

Yeah no matter how good they look at first there's flaws in all of them

That's why on a scale of ten to one friend there ain't no tens