Then You May Take Me to the Fair

GUENEVERE

(spoken)

Sir Lionel!

(sung)

Do you recall the other night that I distinctly said you might

Serve as my escort at the next town fair?

Well, I'm afraid there's someone who I must invite in place of you

Someone who plainly is beyond compare

That Frenchman's power is more tremendous than I have e'er seen anywhere

And when a man is that tremendous

He, by right, should take me to the fair

SIR LIONEL

(spoken)

Your majesty, let me tilt with him and smite him!

Don't refuse me so abruptly, I implore!

Oh, give me the opportunity to fight him

And Gaul will be divided once more!

GUENEVERE

You'll bash and thrash him?

SIR LIONEL

I'll smash and mash him.

GUENEVERE

You'll give him trouble?

SIR LIONEL

He will be rubble.

GUENEVERE

A mighty whack?

SIR LIONEL

His skull will crack.

GUENEVERE

Well...

(sung)

Then you may take me to the fair

If you do all the things you promise

In fact, my heart would break should you not take me to the fair

(spoken)

Sir Sagramore!

(sung)

I have some rather painful news relative to the subject who's

To be beside me at the next court ball

You were the chosen one, I know, but as tradition it should go

To the unquestioned champion in the hall

And I'm convinced that splendid Frenchman can easily conquer one and all

And besting all our local henchmen

He should sit beside me at the ball

SIR SAGRAMORE

(spoken)

I beg of you, ma'am, withhold your invitation.

I swear to you this challenge will be met.

And when I have finished up the operation,

I'll serve him to your highness en brochette!

GUENEVERE

You'll pierce right through him?

SIR SAGRAMORE

I'll barbecue him!

GUENEVERE

A wicked thrust?

SIR SAGRAMORE

'Twill be dust to dust!

GUENEVERE

>From fore to aft?

SIR SAGRAMORE

He'll feel a draft!

GUENEVERE

Well then...

(sung)

You may sit by me at the ball

If you demolish him in battle

In fact, I know I'd cry were you not by me at the ball

(spoken)

Sir Dinadan!

(sung)

Didn't I promise that you may guide me to London on the day

That I go up to judge the cattle show?

As it is quite a nasty ride there must be someone at my side

Who'll be defending me from beast and foe

So when I choose whom I prefer go, I take the strongest knight I know

And young du Lac seems strongest, ergo

He should take me to the cattle show

SIR DINADAN

(spoken)

Your Majesty can't believe this blustering prattle-

Let him prove it with a sword or lance instead!

I promise you, when I've done this Gaul in battle

His shoulders will be lonesome for his head!

GUENEVERE

You'll disconnect him?

SIR DINADAN

I'll vivisect him.

GUENEVERE

You'll open-wide him?

SIR DINADAN

I'll subdivide him.

GUENEVERE

Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear.

(sung)

Then you may guide me to the show

If you can carry out your program

In fact, I'd grieve inside should you not guide me to the show

SIRS LIONEL, SAGRAMORE, DINADAN

Milady, we shall put an end to that Galic bag of noise and nerve

When we do all that we intend to

He'll be a plate of French hors d'ouvres!

GUENEVERE

I do applaud your noble goals

Now let us see if you achieve them

And if you do, then you will be the three who go to the ball, to the show

And take me to the fair