Goodbye (The Uncle Song)

I wanna say you're a real good guy

But we both know that would be a lie

It's been a nightmare being your friend

So it's time for this charade to end

I can't say goodbye

'Cause you might grind me down into meat pie

I'll tell the school that you've got avian flu

So it'll be their job to get rid of you

I hope they put you into quarantine

Or lock you up until you turn eighteen

So maybe then I'll never have to fear

That you might suddenly bite off my ear

Please don't bite off my ear

I can't say goodbye

My face will be too mangled to identify

If I could get your house repossessed

You'll be forced to relocate to your gran's in the Northwest

I could get you arrested for stealing a car

I could get you a job as a miner

I could ship you in a crate to Qatar

Or sell you as kebab to a dirty diner

It's not real meat, anyway

I could get your folks to forget you on the freeway

Sell you to a freak show on its way to Uruguay

I could get you stuck on a fairground ride, forever

Send you to a wedding in Somewhere-stan with you as the bride

I can't say goodbye

But it's no use trying to deny

That I don't wanna be friends with you

So do whatever you have to do