The Ballad of Tom Jones

What did I do wrong?

Oh you nearly drove me cuckoo

Am I really all that bad?

You're worse than Hannibal Lecter, Charlie Manson, Freddie Krueger

Why are we still together?

Oh I can't leave until you're dead

You mean 'til death do us part?

I mean like cyanide, strangulation or an axe to your head

It was lucky for us I turned the radio on

They say that music soothes the savage beast

There was something in that voice that stopped us seeing red

The two of us would surely have ended up dead

[Chorus]

You stopped us from killing each other

Tom Jones, Tom Jones

You'll never know but you saved our lives

Tom Jones, Tom Jones

I could never throw my knickers at you

And I don't come from Wales

So haven't solved our problems

You mean we hate each others guts

I still wanna poison your pizza

And I still wanna cut off your nuts

I phoned the marriage guidance

I tied the phone line round your neck

I'm sick of all this hatred

Well that will be the arsenic making you sick

You were about to drive me over the edge of a cliff

As I tried to jump out I knocked the stereo on

You changed your mind and then slammed on the brakes

It was lucky for us we bought his greatest hits

[Repeat Chorus]

And now the war is over

I've lost the urge to break your neck

I owe my life to What's New Pussycat

Delilah stopped me hating you and wishing you dead

Oh I used to call you satan

And you were Cruella De'Ville

And now you call me your Delilah

And I am not your lucifer

And I am just your pussycat

But just a word of warning now

Just in case we ever get tured of his voice

I know the Mafia, Godzilla, King Kong

And I know an atom that's bomb going for a song

[Repeat Chorus Twice]