The Ballad Of The Half Brained Man

Born on a wednesday noon,

somewhere in the midlands,

they´d mistaken half his brain for the afterbirth and threw it away.

Since that day he always needed someone to look after him.

his half-hearted mother gave him away

so his halfbrother took care

brought him down again

since he was only running upstairs

took off the clothes he´d forgotten to take off,

whiped his back when he´d shit in his pants

cause he´d forgotten to take them down while sittin on the pot.

Another reason for why he never had friends:

He was unbearably forgetful, dumb and smelled.

On the day his halfbrother died he had to start to grow

and look after himself,

he got a part time job in a library

and yeah, you know the story, he never finished a book,

eventhough he´d started them all.

One day, in the pub, after work, having half a pint

he realized for the first time

that there was something missing in his life

for the first time he was aware of his lonelyness

what caused a flood of half pints

till he got thrown out and stumbled towards home.

From the next day on he was looking for his woman

but of course, none of those he had chosen was in any kind attached to him.

He got very frustrated and depressive,

drunk ways too much and still smelled;

remember this little restroom - problem!

This also didn´t help the situation.

He was so sick and tired of his half-a-live

that he´d decided to commit suicide

and shot himself in the head.

Nothing happened of course

it was the wrong side of the skull - the one with no brain.

He was taken to the hospital where he,

packed in bandage stumbled into a person on the corridor

packed in bandage, too.

But oh-god, it was a female with her skull dressing on the opposite side than his...

Half a year later they were married

and when their child was born - oh what a miracle:

it was fully brained.

He was the most happy person on this planet eventhough he was still

unbearably forgetful, dumb and smelled...

So, their life became more and more difficult,

she slept when he was awake,

she shut doors when he wanted them open...

their love turned into hate

and one day she took the child and left him.

It looks like femals can deal better

with half brained lives than males.

She went back to her mother

where she still lives her happy half-brained life.

But he drowned in deep depressions again,

became worse than ever before and,

yes, one day he took the old gun again and...BANG...

this time he got the right side.

He´d learned something after all.