How To Get Your Band On Television

Product sells, people die

Same manipulation wrapped in lies

Give a little money and play your rock and roll

The biggest prizes to the biggest fools

In keeping with the fashion for charity, not change

Here's our contribution: We've called it slag aid

For every pop star that we slag off today

A million pounds will be given away!

Paul McCartney, come on down!

With crocodile tears to irrigate this ground

Make of ethiopia a fertile paradise

Where everyone sings beatles songs and buys shares in EMI

Freddie Mercury, this is your life!

Thank the lord that you were born white

And thank apartheid for this wonderful opportunity

To peddle your hypocrisy in Sun City

David Bowie, the price is right!

A suitful of compassion and a gobful of shite

Still the voices of those who doubt

Coca-cola for the peasants to end this drought

Jagger and Richards, game for a laugh!

Dancing us down the garden path

To a place where money grows on trees

Where cocaine habits are financed by hunger and disease

Ask the puppet-masters who pull the strings

Who makes the money when the puppets sing?

Ask the corporations: Where does the money go?

Ask the empty bellied children: What are we singing for?

A Cliff Richard, three, two, one!

The God who remains when the religion's gone

Cliff, we've got a special surprise for you today

So come closer, step this way

Cliff, you're such an example of moral worth

Such a purist saint come to bless our earth

That on behalf of our viewers watching telly

And on behalf of the millions with empty bellies

We're donating something special that we're all going to like

Cliff Richard, we're going to nail you up to a cross tonight!!

I know there must be more

Than giving just a little bit more

When half of this world is so helplessly poor

Starved of a real solution

Only charity and tradition

And the cycle of hungry children

Will keep on going round