Curse My Name

I slept on the floor

I knew that it was coming

And I think I destroyed the lining in my stomach

And I almost thought I would stay

You said you only sleep alone

You drove me home, your eyes bitter and vacant

'Cause we settled for sex and awkward conversation

And I think Indiana likes to keep the lonely feeling low

And summer turns to fall

And still I'll say it's not my fault, but it is

And the world still spins whether I'm alright or not

So I'll lash out and call it art 'cause that's the best defense I've got

I swear I heard my name before I heard the subject change

You're staring at the floor

And I'm still wasting energy on shaking, pacing, inner demons

And shame is nothing but pursuit of grace

I'd rather push them both away

I say I hate this place

But I sit in my decay, delaying change

I still excel at acting like an innocent

If you take the blame, I'll hide from any criticism

I went away and kept making incisions in your brain

Considered the cost of not letting you walk away

I guess it's my loss

I never said that I was sane

And we'll turn to dust like moths and I will still haunt this place

And the notes will descend like snow

And the words will make you cry

I'll be a ghost of my old habits

And I'll swear I'm right this time

I swear I heard my name before I heard the subject change

You're staring at the floor

And I'm still wasting energy on shaking, pacing, inner demons

And shame is nothing but pursuit of grace

I talk to God every day

He doesn't know my name

And I don't have faith but it helps me still

To pray I'll figure out how this will pan out

And I'm afraid but not enough to shut my damn mouth

My patience ran out

You know it feels kind of stupid to feel lonely

When I just keep pushing away

And I can't count all the people that I've let down

I've made a mess

I know I've made a mess

You know it feels pretty useless

You're the only one I just keep failing to save

And I can picture you crying in your bedroom

I've made a mess

I know I've made a mess

I always make a mess

I swear I heard my name before I heard the subject change

You're staring at the floor

And I'm still wasting energy on shaking, pacing, inner demons

And shame is nothing but pursuit of grace

It's like we've been awake for days

And I hear you curse my name

But the damn thing never fit me anyway