Jack Off

[Numskull]

It's a Friday night, and I ain't got no ass

No car, no brew, no get high stash

I done watched every movie in the house

And my Blockbuster bill is like eighty bucks, so that plan's out

I done went through the phone book from front to back

From new hoes to three year ago old school rats

And I'm banned from all the clubs cuz I don't tip the door niggas

Look like, you eatin' three-hundred pound, six four niggas

Plus, I don't wear suits to boogie in

I wear dope dealer shits that I can get some pussy in

My niggas is down to ride, but I'm tired of seein' them

Swear I need me a muthafuckin' real girlfriend

But that's out of the question, cuz I treat 'em like shit

Take they cash, take they car, make 'em fuck the whole clique

Damn! I realized I'm just burnin' my bridges

And my dick feelin' good rubbin' up against my britches

[Chorus x2: Clee]

Have you ever had a day you had nothin' you need?

No ass, no cash, no drank, and no weed?

And all the hoes you could've fucked you told to back off?

It's lookin' like to me it's time to jack off

[Numskull]

Now that I done let one go, I'm thinkin' "Say now"

I can cope with my life bein' dull, boring, and plain now

But lately, I find myself beatin' more often

If every nut was year off my life, for me it's coffins

If it's true what they say, I'm goin' blind right now

My palms is growin' hair, I'm thinkin' porn right now

If it was a whole band here, I'd be a horn right now

If it's a party over there, I'd be scorin' right now

[Clee]

See I'm alone in my room, and I'm about to jack off

Imaginin' a bad bitch givin' me some good balls

See at the present time, I ain't got no ass

Wanna get high first, but I got no weed, no hash

Strolled to the ATM and said "I'm out of cash!"

Then on the way home, I ran out of gas

Now I gotta walk 12 blocks, plus it's hot

And to make it even worse, a nigga dick on rock

[Chorus]

[Clee]

Finally get back to the house in a broken sweat

Turn on the TV, everything provokin' sex

I can't believe today, can't believe my luck

Can't believe I can't find one hoe to fuck!

Can't believe I left the house and got stuck

Can't believe I can't afford a tow truck

And you know what? Waitin' for a bitch I'm goin' loco

Don't even know if one comin', I only got a hopeful

Time to go ahead and put my first plan in motion

Go and get my tie, go and get my lotion

Turn on the porn tape, then I get to strokin'

Wish I was the cat, that this bitch was deep throatin'

[sound of a lotion dispenser, and groaning]

[Chorus]