Screech In

[Claude]

Now there's a solemn, old tradition

For admission or audition to

Transition from a Come From Away

[Company]

To be a Newfoundlander

[Claude]

The only other way at any rate

Is pass away and pray to fate and

Wait to reincarnate

[Company]

As a Newfoundlander

Hey, hey, come on inside

Nothing ventured, nothing tried

[Actor 5]

Only a couple people cried

[Company]

You'll be a Newfoundlander

Hey, hey, sit down right here

You'll feel better in a year

[Actor 7]

Try to ignore your doubts and fears

[Company]

And you'll be a Newfoundlander

[Claude]

Now we needs a couple volunteers

Who wants to become a Newfoundlander?

[Bob]

Right here!

[Claude]

Good man! Who else?

[Kevin T]

I have no idea why I put up my hand

And Kevin's like

[Kevin J]

Oh my God, are you serious?

[Kevin T]

Yes, I'm serious

Don't do it if you don't want to

[Kevin J]

I won't

[Claude]

Where you from, buddy?

[Kevin T]

Los Angeles

[Claude]

LA! Who else?

[Diane]

Us!

We want to be Newfoundlanders!

[Claude]

Alright

Where are you folks from?

[Diane]

Texas and

[Claude]

Texas! (to Nick) What part of Texas are you from, buddy?

[Nick]

No, I'm from

[Diane]

No, I'm from Texas

He's from England

[Claude]

Wait, now how does that work?

[Nick]

How does what work?

[Claude]

Well, how does your marriage work with you being in England and her in Texas?

[Diane & Nick]

No, we're not married

[Claude]

Oh, I'm sorry, I just assumed you were married

Well, would you like to be?

[Nick]

Ah

[Diane]

Well, why not?

[Nick]

Diane had had two beers by then, so it was probably the alcohol talking

[Diane]

I've never had more than one beer at a time before

So it was probably the alcohol talking

[Nick]

I went and got her two more beers

[Claude]

Now the first part is the easiest

We'll soon get to the queasiest

I'll need you to repeat this mess

[Company]

When you become a Newfoundlander

[Claude]

'Cause we speaks a different language, son

We adds some esses and some rum

You'll have to try a good cod tongue

[Company]

When you become a Newfoundlander

Hey, hey, just do your best

Nothing scary, nothing yet

[Actor 3]

You'll have to change the way you're dressed

[Company]

And you'll be a Newfoundlander

Hey, hey, just sing along

Nothing ventured just prolonged

[Claude]

There's thirty verses in this song

[Company]

Then you'll be a Newfoundlander

[Claude]

Ladies and gentlemen this is screech!

Back in World War II, an officer was stationed here

And was offered some of this stuff

All the locals were tossing it back with nar' a quiver, so he does too

And lets out an ear piercing

Everybody comes to see what's happening and says

[Company except Screechees]

What was that ungodly screech?

[Claude]

And now it's your turn

Are you ready?

[Nick]

Hum, I'm not sure that

[Diane]

Wait, did you just say

[Bob]

No, nope

Not really ready

[Kevin T]

Do we have to drink this?

[Claude]

Good! All together now

One!

[Company except Screechees]

One!

[Claude]

Two!

[Company except Screechees]

Two!

[Claude]

Three!

[Company except Screechees]

Three!

[Claude]

Down the hatch!

[Kevin T]

Screech is basically bad Jamaican rum

[Nick]

Screech is horrific

[Diane]

Screech is delishush!

[Bob]

And then they brought the Cod

[Kevin T]

The Cod

[Nick]

The Cod

[Diane]

The Cod

[Claude]

Now with every transformation

Comes a tiny bit of risk

You've got to walk the plank

And there'll be blood

Or there'll be bliss

And it's the same to be a

Newfoundlander

Every person's wish

So don't be dumb

Just take the plunge

Go on - kiss the fish!

[Newfoundlanders]

(Continued underneath)

I'm an islander

I am an islander

I'm an islander

I am an islander

[Claude]

Ladies and gentlemen this is a genuine freshly caught Newfoundland cod

And if you want to become an honorary Newfoundlander

You'll have to give her a smooch!

One!

[Kevin J]

If you kiss that I am never kissing you again!

[Kevin T]

I'll risk it!

[Claude]

Two!

[Nick]

I'm not kissing a fish!

[Diane]

Come on, I will if you will!

[Nick]

Oh my God

Fine

[Claude]

Three!

[Diane]

I can't do it!

[Nick]

What? I just did!

[Claude]

Now you've got to kiss the cod

It's a vital part of the ceremony

[Diane]

I can't do it!

[Claude]

Alright, look

I'll make you a deal

Either you kiss this fish or else you kiss this Englishman that you're not married to

[Company]

Hey, hey, come on tonight

Take a risk and take a ride

Jump right in with both feet tied

And you'll be a Newfoundlander

Hey, hey, come on once more

Nothing ventured, nothing sore

After it's over, out the door

And you'll be a Newfoundlander

[Claude]

After it's over you'll remember

[Company]

That you're a Newfoundlander