Star Trip

Captain?s log; Stardate: 3.142857--Aw, forget about it! This is Captain Kwirk on the Starship Intercourse. Thrusting its way through space, on another penetrating mission.

(?Alleluia? song is playing.)

Captain! Captain! What?s that in space ahead?

Huh? Oh no, it?s another space tricky! Darn this solar system anyway! Nothing but space trickys. Get the phasers on that bird.

Captain! Captain! All the stars have gone out!

No, you fool! You?ve leaned on the button! Turn the viewer back on! Now get the phasers on that bird.

I am an Angel of the Lord!

(the effects slow down like a record)

Yeow! That baked him good!

Oh wow, it looks just like Thanksgiving out there!

Don?t think about it, Lt. Hunkie!

I can?t help thinking about it. Last Thanksgiving was rotten. Just that food supplement pill with ?turkey? written on it. It?s not the same, Captain. It?s not the same.

Turn off the view screen, we?re out here and this is where we are.

Why can?t I think about it? I?m an officer, too.

You?ve got enough to think about, you?ve got a whole dashboard to take care of.

Captain, have your (?) space turkey has knocked up slightly off course.

Well, Lemon...

It?s Leh-meen, sir.

Now we must get back on course.

It?s Leh-meen, sir, did you hear me say that?

Nah--uh--y-yes--uh--uh, Lie-nen, uh, but we must get back on course.

Yes sir, we must get back on course, do you want to check the reading?

Aw yes, let me see, the ?quick brown fox.?

That is the wrong reading, I?ll check this.

Oh, oh, I see, yah, yes, n-now my communicator. Get me engineering.

That?s my box, Captain!

Oh, oh, pardon me, Lt. Eubangdere! Allow me to apologize pro flu slay.

Just take your hand off my box.

Captain?

Yes, Smock?

May I remind you that since we are traveling at a rate of Walk Factor III, that our collision with that turkey, thirty-eight seconds ago, that has put us 13 billion miles off course.

Well, good heavens, Smock, why wasn?t I told him this earlier? This is the Captain speaking, connect me with engineering.

I?m sorry, but that line is busy.

This is the Captain. Give me engineering.

I?m sorry, sir, but that line is busy.

But I have a direct line, I?m the Captain. Operator! Operator! Operator! Did you hear that, Smock? Are my people putting me on?

I don?t know, sir. As you know I am the Vulgarian and jokes are beyond me. (chuckle)

Hmmmm...That?s the first time I?ve ever heard him laugh. Hmph! Oh, wait a minute, we must contact engineering. My God, 15 billion miles off course

23 billion miles off course now, sir, if my calculations are correct. And they always are.

This is the Captain speaking. Give me engineering.

(The party music is playing. People are chattering.)

Come here, try some of this!