All I Wanna Do Is Play Cards

Well, I guess I really oughta be makin' up songs but

All I wanna do is play cards

I know it's dumb and sick and wrong but

All I wanna do is play cards

Got the studio booked in Tennessee

And my record producer's callin' me

The tape will roll in just three weeks and

All I wanna do is play cards

They wanna book the band for a rodeo dance and

All I wanna do is play cards

The contract claims they got five grand and

I wanna do is play cards

My agent says we oughta take the show

But tell you the truth I don't wanna go

Cuz there's this real good game of split hi-lo and

All I wanna do is play cards

Crib and guts and stook and gin and stud and cowboy pitch

Blackjack, eight or better, draw and hold em, chase the bitch

Acey deucy, never loosey, hearts and black Mariah

Smear and low Chicago, man, the stakes keep gettin' higher

I could skate for free in the hockey league and

All I wanna do is play cards

Tattooed young dark haired girls call me and

All I wanna do is play cards

There's famous people'd like to write with me

And the beer at the black dog's usually free

The whole damn world's an oyster to me and

All I wanna do is play cards

We're on the radio in El Paso and

All I wanna do is play cards

Finally got a little bit of press in T.O. and

All I wanna do is play cards

They're buying the records out in Amsterdam

There's rock tours booked in far off lands

But I'm feelin' kinda gambley and

All I wanna do is play cards

I don't see much of my friends these days cuz

All I wanna do is play cards

Except whitey and gravy, they like a game and

All I wanna do is play cards

My neighbor Brent says I got a problem

But he don't know cuz nobody taught him

To bet the best when you know you got 'em and

All I wanna do is play cards

Contract bridge and spades and whist and kings and little ones

Canasta, hearts and spite and malice, kings make little ones

Whores and fours and one-eyed bores, house rules that ain't acknowledged

And them games you learned at vet school and at agricultural college

Chinese rummy, Greek manila, omaha, dutch chase

Start em when they're young with fish and war and crazy eights

Twenty one and thirty one and seven twenty seven

Well if I don't play for money, hon, will I still get to heaven

Three card brag and three card monte, razz and deuce to seven

Melding sets and red dog bets and counting cards with Kevin

Between the sheets and screw your neighbor, let it ride, strip poker

Old men on the corner playing pinochle and euchre, hey