Such Horrible Things

Sit back now, let me tell you a tale

Where justice does not prevail

About an ill-fated life, so very full of strife

Where two wrongs do not make a right

So

When I was born

I did surely scorn

My proud parents name

Then their lives went down the drain

Drove them insane

My birth was a curse

I bit the nurse

Oh, but I love the worst

I deserve to be slowly submersed

Dried out then laid in a hearse

When I was two

I poured super glue

Into my fathers hair

As he sat unaware

In his arm chair

Much to his dismay

Had to cut it all away

Oh, but it felt great

I deserve to be cut and filleted

Then tossed about in disarray

Until the pieces melt away

I am not a bad man

Even though I do bad things

Very bad things

Such horrible things

But it's not quite what it seems

Not quite what he seems

Not quite what I seem

Ah, hell

It's exactly what it seems

When I was four

I'd wait by the door

With a knife in my hand

And a most devious plan

It would be quite grand

As the mail fell through the slot

The sharp edge he got

Oh, but I like the thought

I deserve to be tied in a knot

Broken bones and blood clots

When I was six

I used to trick

The next door neighbors son

In the woods we would run

Time for fun

Hide and seek has a cost

He would be forever lost

Oh, but I love to scoff

I deveserve to have my head lopped off

Hidden and covered in moss

Until this memory's forgot

I am not a bad man

Even though I do bad things

Very bad things

Such horrible things

But it's not quite what it seems

Not quite what he seems

Not quite what I seem

Ah, hell

It's exactly what it seems

When I was eight

I used to hate

The color of my house

So as quite as a mouse

I burned it down

To the ground

When no one was around

Oh, but I love the sound

I deserve to be quickly put down

Rotting six feet underground

When I was ten

I used to pretend

To drown in the sea

Till they come and rescue me

Then preceed

To laugh in their face

Such a disgrace

Oh, but I love the taste

I deserve to have my brains displaced

All over the fireplace

Until this life has been erased

I am not a bad man

Even though I do bad things

Very bad things

Such horrible things

But it's not quite what it seems

Not quite what he seems

Not quite what I seem

Ah, hell

It's exactly what it seems

When I was twelve

I used to delve

Into evil schemes

Just to illicit screams

Boost my self esteem

Pushed my sister down a well

She just fell

Oh, but I love to dwell

I deserve to the roast deep down in hell

When no one can hear me yell

When I was fourteen

Nothing much happened

Well, there was that one time

I am not a bad man

Even though I do bad things

Very bad things

Such horrible things

But it's not quite what it seems

Not quite what he seems

Not quite what I seem

Ah, hell

It's exactly what it seems

When I was sixteen

Life was frightening

My brother was quiet dull

So with laughter in my skull

Pushed him in a hole

Then buried him alive

He barely survived

Oh, but I love the cries

I deserve to be battered and fried

In an electric chair that's set on high

Now that I'm eighteen

I still hate things

From this padded cell I call my home

No friends, no phone

No life to call my own

Here I will lie

Until the very day I die

Until my blood begins to dry

And I return to the darkness from whence I came

So

I am not a bad man

Even though I do bad things

Very bad things

Such horrible things

But it's not quite what it seems

Not quite what I seem

Ah, hell

I'm exactly what I seem