Love, War And a Baseball Game

I decided to go to the ballgame today

So I jump in the car and get on the freeway

But the night’s real hot and the traffic slow

Catch the first three innings on the radio

Miss five grand slams, well ain’t that a shame

All’s fair in love and war and a baseball game

Comin’ out to the game was such a fine thing to do

That 50,000 other people thought so too

So I find me a scalper, who can’t be beat

Twenty bucks for a front row gold box seat

But the usher says sorry, that’s for yesterday’s game

All’s fair in love and war and a baseball game

So I bribe my way in, and I’m glad I’ve been patient

I can almost see the field, with some imagination

I drove thru the south side after dark

For a view of the roof of Comiskey Park

The guy next to me thought he caught me lookin’ at his dame

So he punched me—that’s fair, at the baseball game

A hot dog, some peanuts and a beer or two

The most balanced meal I ever knew

Then some guys says “all right, lemme hear ya now!”

And everyone stretches, knockin’ over my chow

I almost get thrown out for spillin’ beer on a Frain (that’s the usher)

All’s fair in love and war and a baseball game

Well by the time I’m able to turn my attention

To the players on the field, whom I’ve hardly mentioned

I ask my neighbor what’s happened, I missed the last play

He turns to me and says rain delay

I wait four hours just to hear the umpire say

That’s it, go home, no more baseball game

Took me five hours getting the old car back home

Without gas, but with newly dented chrome

Jump in bed, and I turn out the light

Dream of scalpers and bad bleacher seats all night

I needed plenty of rest, so I could take the same

Trip the very next night, to the baseball game

See you can spill my beer, or call me dumb

Give me the worst seat in the stadium

Hit me on the head with a batted ball

But don’t take away my Bill Buckner doll

Call me crazy take down my name

All’s fair in love and war and a baseball game