Ode To Optophobia

If i were a sailor would you love me?

If i were a banker would you care?

If i knew how to drive a bulldozer,

Would you let me drive you around town, (destroying all the landscapes?)

If yes let’s meet in the morning

Halloween is not far away

And i could be anything you wanted

The magic word is every word just say it

If i learned to juggle would you keep me?

Or take me to fancy parties in the spring

All the guests overstuffed with defrosted crab cakes

Would whisper “hush, hush, what a pretty little thing. (and i would be for you)

If yes, let’s meet in the morning

And race the cars before they go to work

Take a ride in my’95 crown victoria

Bring your walkman because my cassette player’s broke

If you peed your pants i’d still love you

If you wanted to be an astronaut you’d have my support

Like a jockstrap i would cling to your body

Lapping up the plastic pain if you ever got hurt

If no, i’ll try again tomorrow

Cause i only have eyes for you

My prescription isn’t quite twenty-twenty

But you’re the only thing that’s focused in my view

If you wasted you life on luck i would still love you.

If you got in a horse riding accident and i’d push your wheelchair

If you grew to be too old and scared to dream

I would whisper the wills of the things you once believed in (until you feel asleep)

If no, then i’ll wait until you’re ready

And feed the fish until you come back home

When obsessed with a man what is a girl to do?

Then dress up cardboards cutouts and pretend they’re you (you make a fine dance partner)

If yes, let’s meet in the morning

If no, i’ll see you soon