Town Meeting Song

JACK

Listen, there were objects so peculiar

They were not to be believed

All around, things to tantalize my brain

It's a world unlike anything I've ever seen

And as hard as I try

I can't seem to describe

Like a most improbable dream

But you must believe when I tell you this

It's as real as my skull and it does exist

Here, let me show you

This is a thing called a present

The whole thing starts with a box

DEVIL

A box?

is it steel?

WEREWOLF

Are there locks?

HARLEOUIN DEMON

Is it filled with a pox?

DEVIL, WEREWOLF, HARLEQUIN DEMON

A pox

How delightful, a pox

JACK

If you please

Just a box with bright-colored paper

And the whole thing's topped with a bow

WITCHES

A bow?

But why?

How ugly

What's in it?

What's in it?

JACK

That's the point of the thing, not to know

CLOWN

It's a bat

Will it bend?

CREATURE UNDER THE STAIRS

It's a rat

Will it break?

UNDERSEA GAL

Perhaps it s the head that I found in the lake

JACK

Listen now, you don't understand

That's not the point of Christmas land

Now, pay attention

Now we pick up an oversized sock

And hang it like this on the wall

MR. HYDE

Oh, yes! Does it still have a foot?

MEDIUM MR. HYDE

Let me see, let me look

SMALL MR. HYDE

Is it rotted and covered with gook?

JACK

Hmm, let me explain

There's no foot inside, but there's candy

Or sometimes it's filled with small toys

MUMMY AND WINGED DEMON

Small toys

WINGED DEMON

Do they bite?

MUMMY

Do they snap?

WINGED DEMON

Or explode in a sack?

CORPSE KID

Or perhaps they just spring out

And scare girls and boys

MAYOR

What a splendid idea

This Christmas sounds fun

Why, I fully endorse it

Let's try it at once

JACK

Everyone, please now, not so fast

There's something here that you don't quite grasp

Well, I may as well give them what they want

And the best, I must confess, I have saved for the last

For the ruler of this Christmas land

Is a fearsome king with a deep mighty voice

Least that's what I've come to understand

And I've also heard it told

That he's something to behold

Like a lobster, huge and red

And sets out to slay with his rain gear on

Carting bulging sacks with his big great arms

That is, so I've heard it said

And on a dark, cold night

Under full moonlight

He flies into a fog

Like a vulture in the sky

And they call him Sandy Claws

Well, at least they're excited

Though they don't understand

That special kind of feeling in Christmas land

Oh, well...