Hold Back Tears

This ain't bout the money

This ain't bout the deals

This ain't bout the cars or the hoes or the wheels

Think you know but you got no idea

How hard this is tryna hold back tears

Ok lets talk about my past

Mama raised me and rick without a dad

Only 6 or 7 I imagine we was bad

Cause we got beat by every boyfriend she had

With extension cords tearing flesh off our ass

Bleedin through our drawers

Blood leakin to our pants

No wonder we couldn't sit still in class

To this day mama say it never happened

Guess its just bullshit that me and rick imagined

You aware I got a 2-year old son

Honestly mama's never asked about him once

Never kissed him on his cheeks

Never looked at him and smiled

Maybe mama don't believe that the baby's even mine

Mama watch me fight day and night just to be eith him

Maybe she hate him cause its me that she see in him

Had us both when she was only 17

Guess we ruined mama's dreams of being homecoming queen

Sorry mama

But I never asked for this

Not once did I ask to be your bastard kid

Mama told me fuck rap, get a job

But if I ain't sell dope we'd starve

Now I got a deal mama treat me like a star

And she yet to ask me how I'm doin when she call

Instead she tell me she want 5 new cars

I just tell her yes ma'am and wipe the frown off my heart

Say my brothers all I have

We grew up together but we grew apart fast

Our family portrait is torn in half

And he blame me for all the hard ship hes havin

I never knew why

But he hate me with a passion

He feel neglected he feel abandoned

We don't get along, no, we always clashin

We used to be close though

Don't know what happened

I love him to death though

Hope he don't attack me

Don't understand why he got so much hatred

Brother threatened to murder me on more than one occasion

And that shit hurts

And that shit kills me

Feelin like my brother's gonna be the man that kills me

Some of the time thats my nigga, thats my guy

Whenever he's high

Its a whole nother side

Dr. Jekyl, Mr. Hyde

He's a whole nother guy

And I know he mean it when I look into his eyes

I'll kill for my brother

I'll steal for my brother

I'd die while I stand for my brother

And thats how I feel bout my brother

Yet but still I pray I don't die by the hands of my brother

And I have nightmares that I gotta fight him back

To keep him from hurtin me

Swear I don't like that

But Ima keep tryin

It might be a lost cause

But I'll never let him know

Just wipe the frown off my heart