It's a Broad Lic Nic

It's a broad lic nic

And I'll tell you while I'm able

Or I'll smash your skull

If you're not drinking up Black Label

It's a hard man's drink

And though the bottle's broken

Put your money on the table

Strain the glass through your teeth

So we grew up lean, mean

Kings of the street scene

Without a mother's guiding hand

To keep us clean

Down your rum

We'll take life as it come

And all you blue rinse critics

Lick our literary bum

I drank my first pure malt

Before I was three

I smoked a pack of Dutch cigarettes

My pappy left for me

And I romanced a little lass

Who was twelve years my elder

At the age of six I held her

That year I also bed her

So before I was seven

My first child was born

I told a pack of filthy lies

As a politician

Heard my own confession

As act of contrition

I spent ten years as a Trappist monk

In a village in Tibet (Liar! )

And I walked up Everest naked

Just to win a bet

Well I cut off my leg

To win a one legged race

And when I won I stitched it

Right back into place

I fought Mohammed Ali

I've seduced Mata Hari

I've even worn a sari

When I impersonated Gandhi

And I dare any man here

To call me a liar (LIARS! )

But I swear I've seen Ezikiel

I swear I've seen Isaiah

Toasting marshmallows

In Beelzebub's fire

And we're mad (MAD! ) Bad (BAD! )

Dangerous to know

We never gave a tinker's cuss

About the seeds we sow

And we stay up late

And never be forlorn

And when the morning comes around

We'll kiss the crack of dawn

We took the whacks from Kerouac's

And dusty Dostoyevsky's

And when all was said and done

Booze was all I had left me

For all the world's great thinkers

Are all a load of pus!

And if you asked us how Zarathustra spoke,

He spoke thus:

"Drink! Drink! Drink!

Drink until your drunk,

Drink until you can't stand up,

'Til you're roly poly stunk.

'Til your bladder bursts,

'Til you throw a fit and curse,

'Til they lift you up still comatose

And slamdance in the hearse!"

And we're good (GOOD! ), bad (BAD! )

Ugly as sin

We mixed up cough syrup

With our gin

So take your medicine

I pray that when I die

There'll be someone else around

To kiss my arse goodbye

Yes I pray, I pray

I pray that when I die

There'll be someone else around

To kiss my arse goodbye