Kiss Me You Fool

I don't know much about art but I can tell you this:

Duchamp's Urinal is a piece of piss

Van Gogh cut off his ear to spite his face - so what!

Me, I've got a message for the whole human race:

I wanna be a phallic symbol like the Tower of Pisa

And wipe the smile off the face of that bitch the Mona Lisa

I'll date Botticelli's Venus just to tease her

But unless you're hung like a Jackson Pollock

You couldn't please her!

Funk you! And funk your mother

Funk your sister, funk your auntie

And funk your little brother

When you've learnt how to funk one another

Don't leave that groovy thing on the shelf

Go home to the one you love and -

Funk yourself!

As Galileo said, "And yet it moves!"

While Oppenheimer splits the atom

And Newton finds the groove

But me, I agree with Einstein

Who put it so much simpler,

"I want to end as it began

With one big bang, not a whimper!"

Funk you! Funk quantum physics

When you've proved their theories wrong

You can go and funk the cynics

Take a proton pill as you butt-funk the critics

You're an E=MC squared (that's your life! )

Well, funk you buddy and -

Funk your wife!

Sexual psychology fascinates me more than art or science

I've attempted intercourse with every household appliance

A girl came to my clinic, I guess you'd call her a client

She wouldn't touch my pinkies, which I found so defiant

I said, "My psycho-analyst will love you, cos you look just like my sister."

She said, "But I've got no arms, and armless girls cannot play Twister!"

She tried to take my pants off and she had to use her teeth

But her stiff upper lip got caught in the metal zip

Funk you! And funk your mother

Funk your sister, funk your auntie and funk your little brother

When you've learnt how to funk one another

Don't leave that groovy thing on the shelf

Go home to the one you love and -

Home to the one you love and -

Home to the one you love and -

Funk yourself!