Don't Get Married

Don't get married girls

You'll sign away your life

You may start off as a woman

But you'll end up as the wife

You could be a vestal virgin

Take the veil and be a nun

But don't get married girls

For marriage isn't fun

Oh it's fine when you're romancing

And he plays the lover's part

You're the roses in his garden

You're the flame that warms his heart

And his love will last forever

And he'll promise you the moon

But just wait until you're wedded

Then he'll sing a different tune

You're his tapioca pudding

You're the dumplings in his stew

But he'll soon begin to wonder

What he ever saw in you

Still he takes without complaining

All the dishes you provide

For you see he's got to have

His bit of jam tart on the side

So don't get married girls

It's very badly paid

You may start off as the mistress

But you'll end up as the maid

Be a daring deep sea diver

Be a polished polyglot

But don't get married girls

For marriage is a plot

Have you seen him in the morning

With a face that looks like death

With dandruff on his pillow

And tobacco on his breath

And he needs some reassurance

With his cup of tea in bed

For he's worried by the mortgage

And the bald patch on his head

And he's sure that you're his mother

Lays his head upon your breast

So you try to boost his ego

Iron his shirt and warm his vest

Then you get him off to work

The mighty hunter is restored

And he leaves you there with nothing

But the dreams you can't afford

So don't get married girls

Men are all the same

They just use you when you need you

You'd do better on the game

Be a call girl, be a stripper

Be a hostess, be a whore

But don't get married girls

For marriage is a bore

When he comes home in the morning

He can hardly spare a look

All he says is "what's for dinner?"

After all you're just the cook

But when he takes you to a party

Well he eyes you with a frown

For you know you've got to look your best

You mustn't let him down

All he'll clutch you with that

"look what i've got" twinkle in his eyes

Like he's entered for a raffle

And he's won you for the prize

Oh but when the party's over

You'll be slogging through the sludge

Half the time a decoration

And the other half a drudge

So don't get married

It'll drive you round the bend

It's the lane without a turning

It's the end without an end

Take a lover every friday

Take up tennis, be a nurse

But don't get married girls

For marriage is a curse

Then you get him off to work

The mighty hunter is restored

And he leaves you there with nothing

But the dreams you can't afford