If If Was a 5th

I never let my right ear know what my left ear done heard

My favorite beer right now is 211 Steel Reserve

If I had a choice to be an animal I'd be a bird

If I had a choice to be a plant, I'd be a herb

If I was in the jungle I'll be nothin humble

Beat a anaconda down and give a lion a muzzle

I'll open up shop under a straw hut

Instead of sellin bananas, I'd sell coconuts

For twenty bucks a pop, I can't stop

They'll be goin like hotcakes, man like IHOP (IHOP)

I make an antenna out of a wishbone

And start my own cable service like I'm at home

Talkin on my cellular phone, watchin the Flintstones

Me and my stable full of broads, me and my Amazons

On house arrest for soliciting, selling sex

And distributing crevices, centerfolds who sex

[Chorus - repeat 2X] + (E-40)

If if was a fifth, I'd be diggin in your girl

Instead of lookin at her (instead of lookin at her)

And if we get hyphy when we want to (when we want to)

Then you bust at everything that we run through (that we run through)

(IF IF WAS A 5TH!)

[E-40]

If if was a fifth, we'll all be drunk

And if this ain't the bump, then what? Skippy's a punk

My folks in the pen be playin punk

My weeple down South in the sticks be sayin crunk

My dudes on the soil be pushin fins

But if you're tardy you probably won't even know what that is

Uhh.. I'm lookin at the ladies

I'm thinkin if she was a car, she would be a Mercedes

I'm thinkin if she was Pat Benatar I could take her back to the 80's

"Hit Me with Your Best Shot," girl I'm off this Bailey's

Me and you baby, one on one, let's have some fun

Me and you baby, one on one, take off yo' thong

The party's just begun and it's a quarter to one

The super dooper turtle tortoise hurtin my lungs

Tattoo on her titty with a ring in her tongue

She off the Seagram's, the Joseph E. Seagram sons

[Chorus]

[Interlude]

Put a fire out now they're suckin me soft

And now they're all on the table drunk peelin it off

Me and Feezy double-fisted the Cali way

Got 'em comin out they clothes in a nasty way

If if was a fifth, she'll be thinkin 'bout you instead of me

(Instead of me) Spendin her money on you instead of me

(Instead of me) Wastin her time on you instead of me

(Instead of me... if if was a fifth)

[E-40]

I'll be on cloud 12, smokin an L

In my burgundy brandy candy convertible dan Deville

In Amsterdam yes I am on a good one

Lookin for some good ol' fashioned turtle

Me and my fellas be on a good one

You're liable to find me up in Alaska shootin dice

Out there hustlin, grittin and grindin, sellin ice

Or pimpin a breezy up out her pants

Sippin imported Louis from Cognac, France

[Chorus]

[Interlude]

[E-40]

VAN-GLORIOUS! (Vanglorious, fo'-shiggedy)

This is protected, by the PEEIMPS

(And who else, who-who else are they protectin?)

The PLAYERS (and and and somebody else right?)

And the hustlers (the hustlers that's right)

With a ki (WITH A KI)

Not a car key (but what?)

BUT A KI (oh a ki, a brick) SISSY (SISSSSSYYYYYYYYYYYYYAHHH!)

Oooh, oooh - BOTCH!