Doin' Time Under The Lifegaurd Stand

now for anyone who remembers

their pre-teenage septembers

goin' back to class

and taking sex-ed at school

well i already learned all about women

from doin' all my swimmin'

wearing goggles in the deep end

of the pool

one day mrs potts cried out

there's a peeping tom about

some voyeuristic jacques-cousteau-of-a-man

well i heard that whistle blow

and i said i know i know i know

it's time to park my butt

under the stand

i'm doin' time under the lifeguard stand

you'll do 10 minutes to life

said the lifeguard man

marco (polo) marco (polo)

catch you when i can

until then i'm doin time under the stand

now eddie was a gullible kid

i should be ashamed of the things i did

we used to play this game to see how long

he could hold his breath

a game called smear the otter

and i would hold him underwater

it was a game that nearly scared

his mom to death

chorus

there was no running no yelling no cussing

no fighting no screaming no fussing

no throwing balls no waterguns

no good old just clean fun

no boats no lights no motorcars

not a single luxury

like robinson caruso i watch too much tv

now the years have gone by fast

and i'm finally an adult at last

and i can swim during break

with all you older guys

and now that i'm allowed

i wear my goggles proud

but like a kid i can't believe my eyes