Never Tasted Tears (Poem)

I've never tasted tears like these before

And though they are the saddest I have known

Their simple cause is none but one of joy

For now it seems I may not be alone

Upon this earth as I have been 'til no

wA truly unexpected twist of fate

For I had given up on everyone

Especially myself, and thought it late

Too late for any soul to cast a line

His hook would hit the ice and snap in two

But someone blew a kiss and with his breath

Unfroze what ne'er a roaring fire could do

An angel now is mine and from the start

I knew that I was bound to let him in

But while I smile I weep because I know

That something ends so that this can begin

God, what a fool am I, or am I wise?

For years have I kept hidden in my heart

The name of one who never had been more

But whom I wrote about and set apart

From other men, though never did I tell

My feelings, nay, but used him as a muse

An inspiration, something to adore

But rarely did I think on what I'd lose

If ever my affections were replaced

By someone living, breathing, warm and real

For while I pledged my life to him in song

The same for me I knew he did not feel

If I could tell the truth, I'd say I planned

To go on in this fashion for all time

I didn't care he couldn't care for me

As long as I could own him in each rhyme

And have someone to think about each night

When torment after torment wracked my soul

To writhe in sorrow, bathe in pain's delight

To fill my pages was my only goal

Until the day I dared to call it love

For this love was the only I had known

And somehow I could keep the rest away

For in my mind I never was alone

And being thus in love, though with a specter,

I never did expect, nor wish, nor care

To take another in that holy place

Though in my mind I knew no one was there

Yay, in my mind, but not so in my soul

I loved, I swear I loved, else why this pain

When of my will I opened up the door

And swept the space where I swore he'd remain

And something dies within me as I sweep

As something new is born in every tear

Past years of memories I long to keep

A future that I both long for and fear

There really was no question when it came

This shooting star, both fire and gentleness

Who never gave me time to make my choice

But made my will his own with each caress

For once and only once I did not think

Where I should feel and for that I was proud

But it was one thing to enact the part

And something else to say the word aloud

For once I had, I felt a shadow fade

Which over me had hung for all these years

And no true loss in all the world could match

The sense of someone passing with my tears

I hadn't known 'til then how lost I was

Enveloped in this mist of my design

So much of me my muse had thus become

That in my eyes no star was seen to shine

Unless it bore some of my phantom's light

Or carried strains of music in the beams

Until my soul was open to the view

No man could enter, except in my dreams

It's over now and I am not afraid

I know full well what I am meant to do

But late at night when I recall my muse

I cry for us as though he ever knew

That I had waited years to hear my name

Once spoken as it should have always been

I'd wait there still but someone real appeared

And stole the heart no man could hope to win

If to my muse I'd ever said hello

It might not hurt this much to say goodbye

But there is something tragic in this scene

Which may appear as joyous to the eye

Of anyone who witnesses myself

Bound in the arms and lips of my new friend

Completed in a way I've never been

And healing wounds I thought would never mend

The truth that shattered my reality

The soul I dreamed but never thought I'd meet

And now I don't look back except in dreams

Yet when I do the pain is always sweet

For only pain can show me who I was

And from that girl to me how much I've grown

I've never tasted tears like these before

And yes, they are the saddest I have known