Big Weenie

I don't understand

Why are you being so mean?

You're mean mean man

You are just jealous of me

Cuz you, you just can't do what I do

So instead of just admitting it

You walk around and say

All kinds of really mean things

About me cuz you're a meanie, a meanie

But it's only cuz you're

Just really jealous of me

Cuz I'm what you want to be

So you just look like an idiot

When you say these mean things

Cuz it's too easy to see

You're just a really big weenie, big weenie

Alright listen, I need you to focus

I need you to go dig deep in your mind, this is important

We are going to perform an experiment of the sorts

I'm going to have to ask you to bear with me for a moment

Now I need you to open your mind-your eyes close them

You are now about to be placed under my hypnosis

For the next four and a half minutes

We are going to explore into your mind

To find out why you're so fuckin' jealous

Now why did they make Yoo-Hoo?

Hippity ga-ga boo-boo

Psych, I'm kidding

I just wanted to see if you're still listenin'

Ok, now I need your undivided attention

Sir I have a question

Why do I always sense this undeniable tension

From the moment that I enter into the room

It gets all quiet and whispers

Whenever theres conversation, why am I always mentioned?

I've been dying to ask, it's been itchin' at me

Is it just because

You are just jealous of me

Cuz you, you just can't do what I do

So instead of just admitting it

You walk around and say

All kinds of really mean things

About me cuz you're a meanie, a meanie

But it's only cuz you're

Just really jealous of me

Cuz I'm what you want to be

So you just look like an idiot

When you say these mean things

Cuz it's too easy to see

You're just a really big weenie, big weenie

Alright now I, I just flubbed a line

I was going to say something extremely important

But I forgot who or what it was, I fucked up

Psych, I'm kidding again you idiot, no I didn't

That's just what you wanted to hear from me

Is that I fucked up ain't it?

But I can bust one take without lookin' at no paper

It doesn't take a bunch of takes

Or me to stand here in this booth all day

For me to say the truth, ok?

You're droolin, you have tooth decay

Your mouth is open, you're disgusting

What the fuck you eat for lunch

A bunch of sweets or something, what?

You munch a bunch of Crunch 'N Munch?

Your tooth is rotten to the gum

Your breath stinks, wanna chew some gum?

Yes I do sir, what am I on?

You sir are on chew syrum

Marshall I'm so jealous of you

Please say you won't tell nobody

I'd be so embarrassed, I'm just absolutely terrified

That someone's gonna find out why I'm saying

All these terrible, evil and awful mean things

It's my own insecurity!

You are just jealous of me

Cuz you, you just can't do what I do

So instead of just admitting it

You walk around and say

All kinds of really mean things

About me cuz you're a meanie, a meanie

But it's only cuz you're

Just really jealous of me

Cuz I'm what you want to be

So you just look like an idiot

When you say these mean things

Cuz it's too easy to see

You're just a really big weenie, big weenie

Alright now we, we're going to conduct

That experiment that we were talking about earlier

Just to see what a frog looks like when it takes two hits of ecstasy

Cuz that's exactly what your eyes look like, want to check to see?

Here's a mirror, notice the resemblence here?

Wait, let me put these sun glasses on

Now look in this mirror, how about now?

What do you have in common?

You're both green with envy and look like idiots with sunglasses on 'em

You look like I sound like singing about weenies

Now take my weenie out of your mouth

This is between me and you, I know you're not happy

I know you'd much rather see me lying in the corner of a room somewhere crying

Curled up in a ball tweeked out of my mind dying

There is no denying that my weenie is much bigger than yours is

Mine is like sticking a banana between two oranges

Why you even doing this to yourself, it's pointless

Why do we have to keep on going through this, this is tortuous

My point is this

That if you say mean things, weenie will shrink

Now I fogot what the chorus is, your just is...

You are just jealous of me

Cuz you, you just can't do what I do

So instead of just admitting it

You walk around and say

All kinds of really mean things

About me cuz you're a meanie, a meanie

But it's only cuz you're

Just really jealous of me

Cuz I'm what you want to be

So you just look like an idiot

When you say these mean things

Cuz it's too easy to see

You're just a really big weenie, big weenie