Headlights (feat. Nate Ruess)

Mom

I know I let you down

And though you say the days are happy

Why is the power off, and I'm fucked up?

Mom, I know he's not around

But don't you place the blame on me

As you pour yourself another drink

I guess, we are who we are

Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on

Maybe we took this too far

I went in head first

Never thinking about who what I said hurt

In what verse

My mom probably got it the worst

The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are

Did I take it too far?

"Cleanin' Out My Closet" and all them other songs

But regardless I don't hate you, cause Ma

You're still beautiful to me, cause you're my mom

Though far be it for you to be calling

My house was Vietnam

Desert Storm, and both of us put together

Could form an atomic bomb

Equivalent to chemical warfare

And forever we coul drag this on and on

But, agree to disagree

That gift for me up under the Christmas tree

Don't mean shit to me

You're kicking me out?

It's 15 degrees and it's Christmas Eve

"Little prick, just leave"

Ma, let me grab my fucking coat

Anything to have each other's goats

Why we always at each others throats?

Especially when dad, he fucked us both

We're in the same fucking boat

You'd think that'd make us close, nope

Further away it drove us

But together, headlights shine, a car full of belongings

Still got a ways to go

Back to grandma's house, it's straight up the road

And I was the man of the house, the oldest

So my shoulders carried the weight of the load

Then Nate got taken away by the state at 8 years old, and

That's when I realized you were sick

And it wasn't fixable or changable

And to this day we remained estranged

And I hate it though, but

I guess we are who we are

Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on

Maybe we took this too far

Cause to this day we remain estranged and I hate it though

Cause you ain't even get to witness your grand-babies grow

But I'm sorry mamma for "Cleanin' Out My Closet"

At the time I was angry

Rightfully, maybe so

Never meant that far to take it though, cause

Now I know it's not your fault

And I'm not making jokes

That song I'll no longer play at shows

And I cringe every time it's on the radio

And I think of Nathan being placed in a home

And all the medicine you fed us

And how I just wanted you to taste your own, but

Now the medication's taken over

And your mental state's deteriorating slow

And I'm way too old to cry, the shit's painful though

But Ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan yo

All you did, all you said

You did your best to raise us both

Foster Care, that cross you bear

Few may be as heavy as yours

But I love you Debbie Mathers

Oh what a tangled web we have, cause

One thing I never asked was

Where the fuck my deadbeat dad was

Fuck it, I guess he had trouble

Keeping up with every address

But I'd a flipped every mattress

Every rock and desert cactus

Owned a collection of maps and followed my kids

To the edge of the atlas

If someone ever moved them from me?

That you could bet your asses

If I had to come down the chimney dressed as Santa

Kidnap them

And although one has only met their grandma

Once you pulled up in our drive one night

As we were leaving to get some hamburgers

Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you

And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness

Come over me

As we pulled off to go our separate paths, and

I saw your headlights as I looked back

And I'm mad I didn't get the chance to

Thank you for being my Mom and my Dad

So Mom, please accept this as a tribute

I wrote this on the jet

I guess I had to get this off my chest

I hope I get the chance to lay it before I'm dead

The stewardess said to fasten my seatbelt

I guess we're crashing

So if I'm not dreaming

I hope you get this message

That I will always love you from afar

Cause you're my Ma

I want a new life (Start over)

One without a cause (Clean slate)

So I'm coming home tonight

Well, no matter what the cost

And if the plane goes down

Or if the crew can't wake me up

Well, just know that I'm alright

I was not afraid to die

Oh, even if there's songs to sing

My children will carry me

Just know that I'm alright

I was not afraid to die

Because I put my faith in my little girls

So I never say goodbye cruel world

Just know that I'm alright

I am not afraid to die

I guess we are who we are

Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on

Maybe we took this too far

I want a new life