What If I Was Gay (feat. Joyner Lucas)

Uh

What if I told you that I was different?

What if I told you that’s something's missin'?

And what if I told you we're not alike

And the way that I'm feel inside is different than what you picture

What if I told you I feel divided?

Keep to myself and I'm awfully quiet

And what if I told you I been conflicted by my own thoughts

Trapped in the dark, and I tried to hide it

No, I'm not a slave to no fuckin' fairy tale

I bet you think that you know me very well

Make no mistake, this is not a cry for help

'Cause I don't owe no one no explanation on how I feel

But on the real, what if I told you that I was brave?

I grew up different than I was raised

But still, what if I told you I'm out of place? Wait

What if I told you that I was gay?

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh

Duh nuh

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh

Duh nuh

Yeah

What if I told you I'm not alright?

I mean, I don't feel dead, but I'm not alive

And what if I told you: I'm not like you

And the shit that I'm goin' through, it'll prolly make you cry

And what if I told you: I'm not this

And the person you think you know don't exist

Look, I'm not who you know, I'm not who you wish

I'm not who you want me to be, what you want from me isn't this

I grew up in church where I couldn't be myself

I felt like a prisoner, couldn't leave my cell

They told me: God don't like ugly, — and this an ugly world

And if I ever seen things different, I would burn in hell

And on the real, this is not new, this is not a phase

I grew up different than I was raised

But still, what if I told you I'm out of place? Wait

What if I told you that I was gay?

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh

Duh nuh

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh

Duh nuh

What if I told you I'm homophobic?

And you have zero control over your impulses

And the genetic flaw in your chromosomes is the culprit

It's something I can't sugarcoat, it's repulsive

We were homies, since children, I thought it

But thought I was buggin', though

'Cause we'd sit, chill and just talk chicks

Now how can we be friends still after all this

Unless, I can convince you to repent

Ask God to forgive you for your sins

And begin healin' your conscience

And rid you of this sick illness that causes it

Part of me wishes you'd kept this shit, still in the closet

I'm white but I'm gettin' mixed feelings like Logic

Yeah, I'm pissed off a little, this is a choice

We were supposed to be boys

You're actin' like this ain't optional

What if I said you was weak?

'Cause you don't got the strength

To conquer some biological monster that's part of you

That's responsible for them homosexual thoughts

If you don't want a lecture, part

Like a sofá section or long as you

Make your decision and stand by it, but I can't be beside it

'Cause for me, that'd be next to impossible

Or you learn to control your urges

You say: It's like pullin' teeth and morals are oral surgeons

But how would you even know anyways if you're a virgin

Why can't you be a normal person?

What if I tried steerin' you towards a girlfriend?

Wouldn't work, would it? You seem pretty surefooted

I'm sure good at judgin', but I have no right

I know goodbyes seems cold, right?

Not even a flicker of hope like a strobe light

As I leave and I swear I stayed up that whole night

And no, I didn't know you would go right home and go take your own life

I ain't mean for that shit to happen, I said I won't cry

I let the best friend that I've ever known die

Alone, was gonna tell you the next day

I'm so sorry, I'm fightin' my own demons, I won't lie

They won't leave me alone, eatin' at my soul, this whole time

I've been tortured, imprisoned in my own mind

A born again Christian but Lord if you're listenin'

We might be headed for a collision

'Cause when I told my boy I couldn't support his decision

I was tryna make it seem like a choice, when it isn't

Can't be cured with a prayer to Saint Jude

What If I told you my wish never came true?

What if I'm a hypocrite who is afraid to just face truth? Wait

What if I told you I'm gay too?

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh

Duh nuh

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh

Duh nuh