The Mexican Scotsman

Jose, get your bagpipes

And head down to the square

Seranade the passers-bye

And you'll make some money there

Jose came to this country

Looking for a chance

To make some decent money

To buy a pair of pants

But we were in recession

And jobs were far and few

So jose took his bagpipes

And did what he had to do

Dressed in his Sombrero and Kilt

With his bagpipes and maracas

Playing away for his supper

Boiled haggis with nachos

One day while he was basking

A pretty young lassie came by

She said "Jose, take s troll with me"

Says Jose, "Si! Si! Och' 'Aye!"

They spent the day together

Then she took him to a dance

Well, Jose moved most gracefully

'Cause he wasn't wearing pants

And he was born in Mexico City

Educated in Scotland

In sandals and bright tartan pancho

Jose's fashion statement was not planned

But when Jose went to the men's room

There was trouble close at hand

Cause in came Bob, the sailor man

The roughest man in the land

Says Bob, "You're lookin' pretty

In your little tartan dress

Now you'd best be off to the ladies room

'fore I pummels you into a mess"

Now you could have heard a pin drop

As Jose tongued around

His scottish-mexican blood began to boil

And it made this kind of sound...

<Insert raging Mexican Pipes>

And when it all was over

Sailor Bob lay on the floor

He looked the saddest sorry wreck

Ever blown a shore

Now, the sailors keep a lookout

Whenever they're on the land

For they knows well that they doesn't mess

With a Scottish Mexican man!