I Used to be Young

I used to be young.

I used to be happy.

I used to be strong.

I used to wield power.

I used to have riches.

I used to be in love.

Now all I want is to see my enemies driven before me and tortured until their hearts are screaming.

To see every shred of defiance torn out of their quivering bodies

and confess to all their crimes and begging for mercy.

And as the dark goddess commands mercy will be granted.

For by the Dark Goddess' hand life will trouble them no more.

I used to believe that love would save me from the horror

and take away the pain and make me feel forever wanted.

I used to believe that everyone is judged on merit,

that working hard for endless hours guaranteed a shining future.

Now all I see is my image in effigy burning before me and mocking my naive hopes and shattered dreams.

Trust is a game. It feels so insane to learn that nothing is sacred.

No matter how deep inside you hide they will pry and suck out your marrow.

And as the Dark Goddess descends you will bid her welcome.

For by the Dark Goddess' hand all your pain will disappear.

I always knew it would come to this,

subversion is what I do best.

I used to fear what is to come

but now it only brings me peace.

Down the darkened corridors of a place that does not exist,

safe behind steel bolted doors, the secret crimes of state.

I see the tools before me

placed upon the table one by one,

hooks and blades to tear inside me

and a couple of thumb screws just for good measure.

The needle slides into me,

their poison fills me drop by drop,

all at once my world is burning,

the cuffs dig in as I try to tear my flesh off.

I feel their shrieking voices,

smashing my defenses blow by blow,

probing deep with vulgar questions

and no one cares how they get the answers.

I fight with every fiber,

my body's breaking piece by piece,

holding on in desperation,

if I can just stay sane they'll pay the price.

When they tear into my mind they will choke on what they find.

And when they stare into my eyes what they see will make them blind.

A voice that's too familiar.

A face I recognize.