A Morning Spent Thinking Of a Life Without You

Tonight I walked through a field that used to scare me

More than I scared myself

And thought of the last time that I felt hopeless

Sixteen in my father's car wondering how

An artificial light could make me feel so empty

And if it looked as dull pouring from street lights

As it did shining from my tiny arms

On days when the world was too loud

And my voice was too small

I wish I had known you then

About your mind and how it perfectly mimics my own

Or how good it felt to lie in this field

Knowing it was never death that interested me

It was the idea of an opportunity to follow a cold breeze

That promised to take me anywhere but here

And you thanked me for curing you

For saving your life when you thought nobody could

And reminding you that people are worth loving

And worth holding onto

But I'm left with a knot in my chest asking

Why this feels so much like leaving and letting go

Treat me like a stained mattress

Rest your body on my body

Let me feel the weight of your existence

So I know what purpose feels like

And I'll lie patiently, waiting for a kiss

Three seconds to prove to you

That the biggest mistake of your life

Was jumping before the building collapsed

I'm sorry you thought this couldn't work

Because I've never wanted anything more

In my entire life than to prove that it could