A Small List Of Things That I Normally Would Hide

I'll sit and pretend

I know someone at an intimate depth

It only makes me feel like shit in the end

'Cause you're only as good as the people you consider your friends

So watch an aching past surface, and now I'm half certain

That everyone who associates with me is a bad person

Because everyone who associates with me is as worthless

Now I finally understand what it means to lack courage

'Cause at the end of the day, it just defeats the damn purpose

To share the fruit of your knowledge while completely malnourished

So I've been trying to let go of the things that torture me inside

Congratulations, you're cordially invited

To a small list of things that I normally would hide

Like high school, no comprehension of enough harm

Codeine for numb hearts and patching up cut arms

But drinking cough syrup when you didn't have a cough

Is ironic, because, in reality, you're sicker than you thought

But like hearing new music and being too scared to turn it up

Virgin blood mostly told me to stop at the surface cuts

And sometimes I wouldn't eat more than a couple bites

And sometimes I'd go a week and not sleep more than a couple nights

And sometimes I'd get so wrapped up in the "couple life"

When the "couple life" failed me the first couple times

But I am grateful that it seems stupid

And I'm grateful that I miss you

Because the last two years are something

I'm glad I had to sit through

Because now that I know what it means to be dead

I can start living again

Yeah, now that I know what it means to be dead

I can start living

I can smell it when I breathe

I can feel it when you leave

I can start living again

So, I'm leaving behind the people

Who said I wasn't brave enough

Wrote an album called "Sleep"

And realized that it's about waking up

Fuck