Mansion

Insidious is blind inception

What's reality with all these questions?

Feels like I missed my alarm and slept in (slept in)

Broken legs but I chase perfection

These walls are my blank expression

My mind is a home I'm trapped in

And it's lonely inside this mansion

Yo my mind is a house with walls covered in lyrics

They're all over the place, there's songs in the mirrors

Written all over the floors, all over the chairs

And you get the uncut version of life when I go downstairs

That's where I write when I'm in a bad place and need to release

And let out the version of nf you don't want to see

I put holes in the walls with both of my fists 'til they bleed

You might get a glimpse of how I cope with all this anger in me

Physically abused, now that's the room that I don't want to be in

That picture ain't blurry at all, I just don't want to see it

And these walls ain't blank, I just think I don't want to see 'em

But why not? I'm in here, so I might as well read 'em

I gotta thank you for this anger that I carry around

Wish I could take a match and burn this whole room to the ground

Matter of fact I think ima burn this room right now

Somehow this memory for some reason just won't come down

You used to put me in the corner, so you could see the fear in my eyes

Then took me downstairs and beat me 'til I screamed and I cried

Congratulations, you'll always have a room in my mind

But ima keep the door shut and lock the lyrics inside

Yo my mind is a house with walls covered in pain

See my problem is I don't fix things

I just try to repaint, cover em up, like it never happen

Say I wish I could change. Are you confused?

Come upstairs and I'll show you what I mean

This room's full of regrets, just keeps getting fuller it seems

The moment I walk in to it is the same moment that I wanna leave

I get sick to my stomach every time I look at these things

But it's hard to look past when this is the room where I sleep

I look around. One of the worst things I wrote on these walls

Was the moment I realized that I was losing my mom

And one of the first things I wrote was I wish I would have called

But I should just stop now, we ain´t got enough room in this song

And I regret the fact that I struggled trying to find who I am

And I lie to myself and say I do the best that I can

Shrug it off like it ain't nothing like it’s out of my hands

Then get ticked off whenever I see it affecting my plans

And I regret watching these trust issues eat me alive

And at the rate I'm going they'll probably still be there when I die

Congratulations, you'll always have a room in my mind

The question is: Will I ever clean the walls off in time?

So this part of my house, no one's been in it for years

I built the safe room and I don't let no one in there

Cause if I do, there's a chance

That they might disappear and not come back

And I admit I am emotionally scared to let anyone inside

So I just leave my doors locked

You might get other doors to open up but this doors not

Cause I don't want you to have the opportunity to hurt me

And I'll be the only person that I can blame when you desert me

I'm barricaded inside

So stop watching

I'm not coming to the door

So stop knocking, stop knocking

I'm trapped here

God keep saying I'm not locked in

I chose this

I am lost in my own conscience

I know that shutting the wall down ain't solving the problem

But I didn't build this house because I thought it would solve ´em

I built it because I thought that it would be safer in there

But it's not, I'm not the only thing that's living in here

Fear came to my house years ago I let 'em in

Maybe that's the problem

Cause I've been dealing with this ever since

I thought that he would leave, but it's obvious he never did

He must have picked the room and got comfortable and settled in

Now I'm in the position it's either sit here and let him win

Or put him back outside where he came from, but I never can

Cause in order to do that I'd have to open the doors

Is that me or the fear talking?

I don't know anymore