Changing My Major

What happened last night?

Are you really here?

Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan

Hi Joan!

Don’t wake up Joan!

Oh my God, last night

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, last night

I got so excited

I was too enthusiastic

Thank you for not laughing

Well, you laughed a little bit at one point when I was touching you and said I might lose consciousness

Which you said was adorable, and I just have to trust

That you don’t think I’m an idiot or some kind of an animal

I’ve never lost control due to overwhelming lust

But I must say that I’m changing my major to Joan

I’m changing my major to sex with Joan

I’m changing my major to sex with Joan

With a minor in kissing Joan

Foreign study to Joan's inner thighs

A seminar on Joan’s ass in her Levi’s

And Joan’s crazy brown eyes

Joan, I feel like Hercules!

Oh God, that sounds ridiculous

Just keep on sleeping through this

And I’ll work on calming down

So by the time you’ve woken up

I’ll be cool. I’ll be collected

And I’ll have found some dignity, but who needs dignity?

'Cause this is so much better

I’m radiating happiness

Will you stay here with me for the rest of the semester?

We won’t need any food

We’ll live on sex alone

Sex with Joan!

I am writing a thesis on Joan

It’s a cutting edge field, and my mind is blown

I would gladly stay up every night to hone

My compulsory skills with Joan

I will study my way down her spine

Familiarize myself with her well-made outline

While she researches mine

I don’t know who I am

I’ve become someone new

Nothing I just did is anything I would do

Overnight, everything changed. I am not prepared

I’m dizzy. I’m nauseous. I’m shaky

I’m scared

Am I falling in to nothingness

Or flying into something so sublime?

I don’t know, but I’m changing my major to Joan

I thought all my life I’d be all alone

But that was before I was lying prone in this dorm room bed with Joan

Look, she drooled on the pillow, so sweet

All sweaty and tangled up in my bed sheet

And my heart feels complete

Let’s never leave this room

How about we stay here 'till finals?

I’ll go to school forever

I’ll take out a dementedly huge high interest loan

'Cause I’m changing my major to Joan