No Compute

Ah, I awakened from a wet dream in which I was wetless

My imagination could no longer take me there

So I slid into my copping haberdashery

And gave into the original jones: sex

Now my sexy jones was below sea level

The hornies occupied my being

I was at that stage where most men would say

"Hey, ho, it's your life or your legs"

But I was cooler than that

She said, "No compute"

I spotted a lady who

Was also on the prowl

I could tell by her makeup

Plus the scent was there

So I sashayed over to her and

Uh, spoke of my plan

She screamed and said

"Are you asking to make love to me?"

I said, "Is pig what's in pork?

Or are you gonna play hard

after all the trouble

You went through to get chosen?"

She said, ah, "No compute"

Finally, she said, "Uh, I could

Uh, probably go for what you're talking about

But it's really about my birth control pills"

I said, "All looks are not alike

All holes are not a crack"

When in doubt vamp, or at least ad-lib

"And of course, you know

Spit don't make babies"

She smiled and said, "No compute"

But I could tell she was getting in to it so off we went

There was fun to be had, love to be made

"Strange", I said to myself, as I laid smoking

A last joint before the technic easing of sleep

"What a man will go for when the hornies set in"

Well suddenly, as she laid there, mouth half open

wig half off, snoring, breath smelling like a 1948 Buick

I was sick with the guilties, and she smiled in her sleep

As if to say, "All looks are not alike

All holes are not a crack"