If a Girl Isn't Pretty

If a girl isn't pretty

Like a miss atlantic city,

All she gets in life

Is pity and a pat.

Is a nose with deviation

Such a crime against the nation?

Should i throw her into jail

Or drown the cat?

Mrs. strakosh, o' malley and

She must shine in ev'ry detail

Like a ring you're buying retail,

Be a standard size that

Fits a standard dress.

When a girl's incidentals

Are no bigger than two lentils

Mrs. strakosh, o' malley and

Then to me that doesn't spell success.

Fanny auditions for keeney's music hall but keeney kicks her out of the chorus

Because she doesn't look like the others.

Eddie ryan, dance director for keeney, agrees:

If a girl isn't pretty

Like a miss atlantic city,

She should dump the stage

And try another route.

Any guy who pays a quarter

For a seat just feels he oughter

See a figger that his wife can't

Substitute.

Kid, my heart ain't made of marble

But your rhythm's really horr'ble

And that map of yours just ain't no

Valentine.

Everything you got's about right,

But the damn thing don't come out right

So forget it, kid,

And just resign.

If a girl isn't pretty,

If a girl isn't pretty,

If a girl isn't pretty,

If a girl isn't pretty,

If a girl isn't pretty,

She should get a job,

Go get a job--

Get any job

Get a weekly pay,

'cause if a girl isn't pretty

Like a miss atlantic city,

She's a real miss nobody, u.s.a.