Johnny Jump Up

I'll tell you a story that happened to me

One day, as I went down to Cork by the Lee:

The sun, it was bright, and the day, it was warm.

Thinks I, "A cold pint wouldn't do me no harm".

I went to the barman; I says, "Give me a stout!" -

Says the barman, "I'm sorry: the beer is sold out;

Try whiskey or vodka ten years in the wood" -

Says I, "I'll try cider - I hear that it's good".

O never! O never! O never again!

If I live to a hundred or a hundred and ten!

For I fell to the ground, and I couldn't get up,

After drinking a pint of that Johnny Jump Up!

After lowering the third, I headed straight for the yard,

Where I bumpeb into Brophy, the big civic guard.

"Come here to me, boy - don't you know I'm the law?";

Well I up with my first, and I shattered his jaw!

He fell to the ground with his knees doubled up,

But it wasn't I hit him; 'twas the Johnny Jump up!

The next thing I saw, down in Cork by the Lee,

Was a cripple on crutches, and he beckoned to me.

"I'm afraid for my life - I'll be hit by a car!

Would you help me across to the Railwaymen's Bar?"

And, after three pints of that cider so sweet,

He threw down his crutches, and he danced on his feet.

Chorus

I went down the Lee Road a friend for to see.

They had him in a madhouse in Cork by the Lee.

And, when I got there - the truth I do tell -

They had the poor bugger locked up in a cell!

Says the doctor to him, "Say these words, if you can:

'Round the ragged rocks the ragged rascal ran' " -

"Tell them I'm not crazy! Tell them I'm not mad!

'Twas only six pints of that cider I had!"

Chorus

A man died in the Union by the name of McNabb.

They washed him and laid him outside on a slab,

And, after the coroner his measure did take,

His wife brought him home to a bloody fine wake.

'Twas about twelve o'clock, and the beer, it was high,

When the corpse, he sat up, and he said, with a cry,

"I can't get to Heaven! So, before I burn up,

I'll drink me a pint of the Johnny Jump Up!".

Chorus