No Crown for Balin

Balin Longbeard was his name

A Dwarf of great renown was he

This rude and nasty Dwarf of fame

'Twas never known for courtesy

While making wind in crowded rooms

His nose ran constantly

And all good folk found Balin lacked

A single trace of modesty

But Balin was a rich old thing

As many famous bards are known to sing

Though Balin wanted to be king

The Dwarven folk would never hear of it

In fact they showed a fear of it

And sensible were they!

Never mind the Orcs he'd slain

All his victories were in vain

He'd even killed a Troll or two

But a Dwarven crown he ne'er could gain

For Balin was a nasty sort

The people all could smell him

This vile old gent would not relent

For none of them would tell him

But Balin was a rich old thing

As many famous bards are known to sing

Though Balin wanted to be king

The Dwarven folk would never hear of it

In fact they showed a fear of it

And sensible were they!

If he would only take a bath

Then the Dwarves might ease their wrath

He filled the tub, they gathered round

They had to see the aftermath

So bad he smelt the soap did melt

The filth would not come off him

He turned the water black as mud

And so the Dwarves did scoff at him

But Balin was a rich old thing

As many famous bards are known to sing

Though Balin wanted to be king

The Dwarven folk would never hear of it

In fact they showed a fear of it

And sensible were they!