Miss America

Tommy stutters comically

when he says a lotta things

Mommy does the shopping

Daddy's diggin through the laundry bins

he likes to try on Mommy's things

with his hair up in her bobby pins

The neighbors very neighborly

occasionally takin peaks at his niece

while she takes a pee

I heard the plumbers found a finger when

they fixed the basement leak

So pick up the phone

Fix up your lawn

Turn the TV on

There's nothin wrong, Middle America

I love you

Old Mr. Wilkinson

killed a man,

drunk from the bar

hit him with the front of his car

drug him so far

there were nothin' but parts

for hundreds of yards

Those big damn power lines

will drive you out your mind

Edna sits in the shower sometimes

for hours and cries

whenever she forgets to tell

Howard goodbye

So pick up the phone

Fix up your lawn

Turn the TV on

There's nothin wrong, Middle America

I love you

Spoken softly but

Mommy's body shook

dropped the coffee cup

I guess the coffee wasn't strong enough

Becca was a quiet girl

behind the wheel

with a mouthful of diet pills

a couple beers

and some stuff for your sinuses

Dancing in the fire

smashing all of the appliances

The psychiatrist said

"The Zoloft had some side effects..."

So pick up the phone

Fix up your lawn

Turn the TV on

There's nothin wrong, Middle America

We love you

Pick up your phone

Fix up your lawn

Turn the TV on

There's nothing wrong, Miss America

We love you